Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of May 26, 2019 — Birthday Edition
The best part about having a birthday as a married man is that for twenty-four hours, you’re 100 percent guaranteed that your wife won’t look at you like you’re a stupid idiot. It’s the best gift any happily married man can receive.
The Future Pool Queen and The Sweepstakes Cult - Vegas Notes
This meant I wouldn’t have to muster the push to go scything thru the crop of Nevada’s finest to get what I thought I might want. My new neighbors: some dirty, a few crusty, a number sunscorched right down into ugly, some tubby. Surprisingly even a few of the bitchy ones know how to smile back if you do it first. We’re all human, that’s certain.
Finding Three Pain Points — How to Sell Progress
My brief stint selling window replacements did garner me some insight on the process that, as I look out into our divided country, I can’t help but wonder if the technique used to get people to spend $30,000 to replace their windows might have some value in selling our most untenable ideas to one another.
The Minutes of our Last Meeting – Happy Memorial Day, Japan!
The ONLY justification for President Trump telling Japanese soldiers “Happy Memorial Day” is if he is flipping them the bird just before dropping another nuke on Tokyo.
Headlong
When resistance is futile, but you have to resist….
The Quest For a Mistake-Free Life
In this society, we are no longer allowed to make mistakes.
There is a paradox at play in that we are encouraged to gain experience in order to be employable yet the only path to truly valuable experience is to make mistakes and learn from them. No mistakes equals no genuine experience and Mobius Strip circles us like the spectre of failure writ constant.
I Believe… [#trumpisjustareflection]
…that the internet is the most sophisticated communication tool invented to date and the best we can figure out to do with it is to piss and moan about our pet causes and bully one another. #trumpisjustareflection
Chris Churchill Saves the World | America is a Country of Losers — Part III
When I was a kid, I always knew I wanted to be famous but I didn’t know what wanting that really meant. I realized now that I just wanted to be seen.
Not That Big of a Deal Yet | Happy Birthday, David Himmel
David Himmel turns forty today. As usual, he didn’t plan ahead and botched his own birthday article. Enjoy!
I Like to Watch | John Wick Chapter 3 — Parabellum
Aside from my obvious enjoyment of the story of an ex-assassin, known by the Russian mob as Babayaga (The Bogeyman) and spoken of in whispers of his legendary focus, determination, and will, mourning his dead wife and being gifted by her beyond the grave a puppy only to be thrust back into the game by a Russian mobster’s son, I found myself conflicted in two specific ways.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of May 19, 2019
Clocking in at 3 a.m. when the bit of work is the last thing on your day’s to-do list couples a sense of mania with the feeling of awesome productivity.
Then again, how effectively productive were you if you’re going to be wrapping your day up at 5 a.m.? Putz.
Fat and Somewhat Happy
This the poor can’t afford to know. But you know
and you’re getting poorer by the minute, so you’ll have to forget.
The Awkward Letters
If I could write a letter to some of the people I have come across in F-ed up moments. Cringey, awkward situations and what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-you moments.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – Blockface!
This was 1984. Michael Jackson was still black then.
Dial A for Anxiety — When a Stranger Asks to Use Your Phone
A girl in the park on a beautiful day once thought it was weird that I’d asked her to sit down beside me on my big comfy beach towel to use my phone. Tough tits honey, my phone, my rules. And I’m not getting off my ass right this second so it’s better for everyone if you get on yours.
An Exercise in Exorcising
I don’t have time to be writing for free right now. That’s correct, Dear Reader (which sounds like how a Japanese person would say “Dear Leader” if they were kidnapped and brain washed by North Korea and taught only to speak English, and if I was being racist), I don’t get paid writing for Literate Ape. Or editing or publishing or hosting or podcasting or anything else related to The Ape. When it comes to this little project, I pay it in blood and guts and sweat and joy. And the hope or goal is that that soon enough, with enough skin in the game, Literate Ape will pay me. But for now, I have to make money doing work for other people. And I’m on a deadline. Several of them.
I Believe… [Surprise! Just When You Thought Alabama Was Done Taking a Shit!]
…that the sudden shock and surprise that several of our worst states in terms of rights for anyone but the wealthy decided to put laws into place to challenge Roe v. Wade in the Supreme Court indicates either a blissful ignorance or a sad complacency. It’s like we saw the big dog eating bowls of slightly rotten meat and its own feces and, days later, were awestruck when it shit all over the living room.
Chris Churchill Saves the World | America is a Country of Losers — Part II
I will add that this history of loserness caused the very conditions by which America became the birthplace of the uniquely American modern cult of celebrity.
Reality Doesn't Just Go Away Because You Will It
The Truth is a complicated thing and anyone claiming that their truth is more valid than another's without factual information and another take on it is highly likely full of shit.
"It pays my way, and it corrodes my soul..."
Are you Heller's Bob Slocum or Melville's Bartleby? Or someone in between the dismal acceptance of the grind and the refusal to comply with the demands that your existence is owed to the labor for something without regard for you?
Jake and Caroline’s first date was at The Whistler. They talked about Ronnie, how much they loved The Diplomat, and debated the better ride-share service, Uber or Lyft. She was Uber, he was Lyft. They got wasted on Sazeracs and had sex at her apartment. It was incredible for both of them. Caroline stopped taking sex advice from Ronnie.