Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of December 24, 2017
• Soren Kierkgaard said, “People understand me so poorly that they don’t even understand my complaint about them not understanding me.” Bro, I feel you, really. I understand.
You Never Know What’s Coming: A Curious Case
It's nearly 2018. The page has turned. What are you going to do with it?
Not long ago, in the fall, I realized I had watched most of David Fincher's films multiple times but had only seen The Curious Case of Benjamin Button once. While I'm not necessarily a completest by nature (the music of The Beatles, Clifford Brown, and John Williams being exceptions) I decided it was high time to revisit the tale of a man living life in reverse.
Predictions For 2018
Anyway, I'm the best one at this. I have a pretty good idea about what is going to happen in 2018. Here are the biggest revelations for the year to come!
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting - 2017 Exit Interview
"...I didn’t wake up one morning and go, 'Tom Petty. I’m going to kill that guy.' That’s a whole other department that I have nothing to do with."
A Few Hours I'd Like Back: Bullshit Time Wasters of 2017
What a fucking year, amiright?
Holy crap. It boggles the tiny ape brain to even take a Faceborg trip through the timeline and revisit it. Like, it physically hurts the joints to reflect on all of the general awfulness of what will become known as The Year We All Lost Our Fucking Minds. I just puked a little on my pants typing that.
It's ending, though, which merits at least a quick listicle of things I wish I hadn't forced myself to experience and, goddamnit, I wish I could go back in time and get those precious hours of my life back.
Bag or Baby: Confirming My Excitement
My new leather bag and my baby are both currently in production. They’ll be here soon and I need to begin preparing myself for the change in routine. Just as my home office will move into Katie’s, my pencils and pens will sit in a different spot as they’re slung over my shoulder. Change is challenging. I have a really good idea of what my bag is going to look like. I chose the leather, size, pockets, lining. But I’m still not exactly sure what it will look like or how it will hold up and function. I have a really good idea what my kid is going to look like. It’s 50 percent me and 50 percent Katie. But I’m still not exactly sure what it will look like or how it will hold up and function.
I Believe… [Christmas Day 2017]
…that Christmas makes me realize how fragile we all are and how brilliantly heroic it is to simply survive on a ball of rock hurtling through space. We thrive in spite of our natures and the yin-yang of the best and worst parts of us is what makes humanity remarkable.
Unforging Marley's Chain: Redemption is Possible
For me, it's those fucking chains of Marley that give me pause. Link by link, and yard by yard. The chain we forge in life.
He Was Born Of A Non-Virgin Non-Mary
He was born of a non-virgin non-Mary.
He was born a month prematurely, disrupting his mother’s plans for a large feast of Italian beef sandwiches, dipped, with all the fixings.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Christmas Edition
• Israel thought it was getting Jerusalem as a capital city for Christmas this year. I guess it'll have to settle for that gift card to Ross Dress for Less.
Holiday Shopping Guide from a Drunk Copywriter
It's the holidays! You forgot to get your boss or lover or postal worker a gift and we all know that your social faux pas will be trumpeted across the vast wastelands of social media. Crack open that plastic and get to work, slacker!
Here are a few last minute gift ideas:
The Most Wonderful Time of the Year for Netflix
As we roll into the Christmas Season, we are confronted with the dichotomy of being the fat, lazy, imperialist nation of consuming hordes that we are with the presence of unprecedented generosity of spirit that the holiday tends to bring out in the best of us. We are slapped in the jaw with the fact that we love our families even if we ignore them for most of the year. We look around and figure out ways to show appreciation to those we love and mercy for those we don't.
And we watch movies about how other people deal with this state.
I love Christmas and I love movies about Christmas. Here's my list of the movies about this time of year that I truly love.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – The Inn Keeper v The Christ Family
"They ate my wife’s everything bagels. I think I am being very reasonable."
One Man’s Trash Is Another Man’s Treasure
Do you know the history of the White Elephant?
Oh, the storied tales of White Elephant Christmases gone by! The triumph and defeat! The never-ending variations on the tradition from family to family, office to office! I am giddy just thinking about it. But first, let me back up for those who know not of the White Elephant.
Star Wars: The Last Jedi — Ripped From the Gen X Nostalgia Train
This is a Star Wars rooted in the idea that we of Gen X failed to beat the Empire. That our delusion of ourselves is not reflected in our feelings of exceptionalism. Rey and Kylo Rea and Poe and Finn are the Millennials we failed and it is now their story, their fight, their destiny.
I Believe… [Y2K Redux]
…that the hysteria surrounding Y2K was worldwide, caused a low-grade mass anxiety, and ultimately makes us all (those around for it) look a bit silly in hindsight. When confronting all of the hysteria, low-grade anxiety of today, I'd suggest we remember Y2K.
My Friend the Dental Hygienist
Michele and I talk about everything. Family, work, drinking, commuting, wedding planning, our friends, our frustrations, pregnancy and pending parenthood… We’re about the same age and have seen each other out of our 20s and into our 30s. We’re of similar temperament so every six months, we share similar grievances that come with life’s transitions. We both got married around the same time. And now, she’s pregnant as is my wife. So the other day, while in the chair, we talked about our shared disdain for the uncertainty and discomfort parenthood will bring us. Yeah, we might have talked about some of the positive things that parenthood will bring us but that’s not what held our attention.
What Price For A Cultural Paradigm Shift?
If the Future is Female, I hope it isn’t Margaret Thatcher, the women behind the Tokyo Rose broadcasts, or Susan Smith (who drowned her children and claimed it was done by an anonymous black man.) I hope the Female Future isn’t Aileen Wuornos, Imelda Marcos, or Eva Braun.
Trump’s Wife Packing Luggage
I dreamt I was Donald Trump’s wife. We were traveling.
He basically kept me in the dark about our itinerary.
I didn’t know where we were going or when we were going.
I had an enormous amount of luggage.
Many little pieces that needed to be fitted into larger pieces.
And of course every place we went, I had to unpack the little pieces,
lots of jewelry and cosmetics, little jars and bottles and boxes.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of December 10, 2017
• Eating Panda Express is a lot like suicide: It seems like the right thing to do in the moment but the results are always devastating.
Jake and Caroline’s first date was at The Whistler. They talked about Ronnie, how much they loved The Diplomat, and debated the better ride-share service, Uber or Lyft. She was Uber, he was Lyft. They got wasted on Sazeracs and had sex at her apartment. It was incredible for both of them. Caroline stopped taking sex advice from Ronnie.