A Letter from Uncle Sam
I’m the guy with the white hair and beard who dresses like he’s on his way to a Trump Rally.
Eggplant Toothpaste - Thoughts from Miles Tangine, Thought Leader
I’m not just a thought leader, I’m a thought breeder!
RNC WORKSHOP ON LEGITIMATE POLITICAL DISCOURSE
SOVENIRS! – Some call it looting, we call it keepsakes.
New Girl Scout Cookies Flavors!
It’s okay to cry while you eat these. They are also absorbent.
A Letter from the Superintendent of Schools
We have no control on what Chipotle charges for their burritos.
Let’s Ruin Your Favorite Shows and Movies!
HOW I MET YOUR FATHER: We don’t find out.
Helpful Ways to Own the Libs
Quote Marjorie Taylor Greene whenever possible.
GOP Reflects On January 6th, National Bean Day
Communist Democrats won’t celebrate this great national holiday.
Other Texts Sent to Mark Meadows
From Eric Trump: Please tell my dad, Donald J. Trump, that I pooed.
Four Republicans Likely to End up in Jail Complain about Jail
They are claiming insurrectionists are being singled out and being treated like…prisoners?
Happy Hanukkah from Mel Gibson!
As a way to say thank you, I am moving forward with Lethal Weapon 5: Look! Jews!
What Critical Thinker Aaron Rodgers Believes
Aaron Rodgers believes that Big Bird isn’t real.
Ten Shocking Revelations from Stephanie Grisham’s Book!
I like horses.
La Fin du Monde Cafe & Denial
The whole dish has been marinated in crude oil from a leaking pipeline.
I CAN’T HEAR YOU WE’RE BREAKING UP!
I was leaving a decent relationship with really bad internet for a bad relationship with really decent internet.
What You Don't Know about the Texas Abortion Ban!
Mandates “abstinence” as the Official State Birth Control and declares pregnancy to be an “act of God” along with hurricanes, blizzards, power grid failures, and mass shootings.
Bullet Flu & The NRA Variant
If you have a gun and go outdoors, wear a mask.
Meet the NEW Taliban!
Stonings – We will only use soft rocks. Stonings may take longer, but they will be way more comfortable. Like a lethal massage.
What Else Can We Name After President Donald J. Trump?
The President Trump Offical Presidential Library (just a kiosk between sunglasses and smartphone covers at a dying mall in southern Florida)
Questions About CDC Guidelines? We Have All the Wrong Answers
My information comes from a board-certified doctor that my cousin’s cousin’s cousin knows.
The stomach tightens and sinks.
The heart and lungs follow.
It’s a confounding reaction to a receipt of affection.
It’s familiar, and, therefore, oddly comforting.
But familiarity can be a curse.
A cursed reminder of what once went wrong when you were just trying to do things right this time.
This time it’ll be different, you say.
Why? You’re different, but what are you doing differently?