I CAN’T HEAR YOU WE’RE BREAKING UP!

By Joe Janes

I’ve recently been going through a very messy separation. I am, finally, after eight long years, leaving AT&T…for Comcast. 

Here’s the thing, I’m surprised it lasted eight years. It was a total rebound. I couldn’t live with Comcast, who likes to be called xfinity, anymore. I moved to a new apartment, on my own, and they were not invited to come along. AT&T was available. One thing led to another. They had decent customer service. Their internet service was so-so. Their most import quality is that they were not Comcast. 

AT&T doesn’t know yet. I tried to tell them. I went on their website. I could not find anything about cancelling my service. No email address to use for contact. No live person to chat with. The auto-chat bot finally coughed up a number to call. I have not called yet. I want to make sure my Comcast is set up just in case AT&T causes a scene and takes back all their stuff before I’m done. 

Like most long-term relationships, things got bad with AT&T during the pandemic. It kept glitching out without any warning. I’d drop out of online classrooms I was teaching and have to log back in. It would go out while I was trying to upload or download or watch a show. It was no longer interested in the same things I was interested in. I blamed it on the rain. It was worse whenever it rained. I upgraded the service twice to get more juice from the internet spigot and demonstrate I was still committed. Promises were made. Nothing changed. 

The thing is, I know Comcast is horrible. When I left them before, they tried to gaslight me about a modem rental that they told me I did not need to return and then tried to charge me $600 for not returning it! This time, I bought my own modem. 

They are also really bad at communication. I want an internet service that’s easy to talk to. An internet service that will listen. I ordered my new xfinity service online last Tuesday. It asked me if I needed cables. I thought, “Yeah, probably.” The cables I have belong to AT&T. They’re going to want them back. Comcast messaged, “Great, when they come in, we’ll follow up.” 

On my online Comcast account, it said the cables were ordered and there’d be an update in an hour. It stayed that way all week. I never heard from them. I tried to contact them through the website. All I could find was another auto-chat-bot that pretended to not understand questions like, “Why haven’t you called? Where are you? When are you coming over?”. 

According to the website, there’s an xfinity store in my neighborhood. It gave me the hours, but no phone number. It also said because of COVID-19, I need to make an appointment. So, I did. When I walked in, a security guard, a big, burly manager, and a worker all walked up to me. The manager spoke to me like I did something wrong.

“What can I help you with?”

“I have an appointment.”

“Who with?”

“Anyone.”

“Why did you make the appointment?”

“Because your website didn’t have a phone number. We could probably solve this over the phone, or, based on no customers being in here, I could have just walked in earlier when you opened.”

“What do you need? Do you need to talk to a technician?”

“I need the internet service I ordered and paid for. I ordered it last Tuesday and I still don’t have it. My account says some equipment was ordered and would be ready in an hour. It has said that for a week. I can’t get any information from your website about what’s going on.”

The worker took me aside and away from the burly manager and figured it out. She sat at a computer and took my information. It took a long time without getting any verbal updates from her.

I broke the silence with “So, what was the problem?”

“You didn’t tell us when you needed internet service.”

“You didn’t ask.”

“There was a box you were supposed to click.”

There was no box. More gaslighting from Comcast. 

“Isn’t it fair to assume I needed it when I ordered it? When I order shoes online, I usually get shoes delivered in, well, less time than it takes to get internet.”

“We’ll have to send a technician out. It will cost $100.”

“Of course, it will.”

I was leaving a decent relationship with really bad internet for a bad relationship with really decent internet. 

“Can I ask who your phone service is with?”

“Verizon.”

“We have a phone service that uses Verizon towers and I can get you a great deal because you also have internet and throw in a low monthly payment for an iPhone13.”

Verizon has been very good to me. No problems with customer service or mobile service. Verizon hot spot saved my ass countless times when AT&T crapped out. I can’t just throw away over ten years of our relationship to be exclusive with Comcast. Comcast is trying to break us up.

“No, thank you.”

“Why not?”

“You’re a hussy, Comcast.”

“Call me xfinity.”

Corporations want to give the appearance of being very customer friendly except when you need something, like internet or to leave. It’s 2021. Their commodity is the online world. There’s no reason I should have to call someone or show up in person for anything. 

Now, on to cancel my X-Sports gym membership that requires I write a letter and have it delivered by pony. 

The 1 hour that lasted 7 days.