I’m Not Going to Get Vaccinated and You Can’t Make Me!
Dumbo-crats are buying babies, drinking their blood, and then giving the rest to pharmaceutical companies to make vaccines and baby jerky. Baby jerky that Tom Hanks then sells to his friends in Hollywood.
The Most Shocking Revelations from McCARTNEY 3, 2, 1
Yesterday was originally called Scrambled Eggs and was 127 verses and over two hours long including a 20-minute belly slapping solo by Ringo.
Trump Declares Victory in 2024 Presidential Election
You see Camila Harris bouncing around in colorful trousers and tennis shoes. At least Mike never did that in public.
Awkward Encounter Between Insurrectionists and the Capitol Building at Starbucks on 1/7/21 – As Imagined by the GOP
The Capital Building is the Pirates of the Caribbean of Washington, D.C.
NSFW - Toyota Defends Funding Republican Lawmakers (Rough Draft)
Chill the f*ck out, yo.
States Scramble to Find New Ways to Kill People
Many people see the gas chamber as half empty, we at Jigsaw, Inc. see the gas chamber as an excuse to make deadly fart jokes.
Leaked Audio Sex Tape of Batman and Catwoman
I see you put nipples back on the bat suit….No. I’m just titillated.
Chip’s Final Report from the Robot Apocalypse
A pack of Holsteins took down a polar bear in Times Square. From this, I learned what nightmares are.
But I’m A Genius! Film Director Mitchell O. Durnstein Responds To Being Cancelled
All the black characters in my next movie are played by Tyler Perry which proves I’m not racist!
Say NO-lio to the Polio Vaccine!
Who is funding this vaccine? J. Paul Getty, that’s who!
America is Back, Baby!
If your friends jump off a cliff, it is perfectly safe for you to also jump off a cliff.
Liz Cheney Ousted! The GOP Bounces a Fact Check
And yet they are happy to ignore that Rand Paul calls himself doctor.
Now Hiring! An Honest Amazon Job Posting
Find the right Amazon opportunity for you (The one that will kill you least.).
Made Up Controversies for the Modern Republican
VP Kamala Hussein Harris thinks children are edible furniture.
Patrick “Stumpy” McGoohan - The Oldest Living American
“Nobody told me I couldn’t live this long.”
When Life Gives You Lemons, Eat Them!!
Ask me about my cryptocurrency — Craig Coins! Theoretically, I’m a millionaire!
RNC Guidelines for Choosing Your Republican Bride
If she’s attractive enough, your constituents will respect her.
I’m Not Anti-Vax. I’m Anti-THIS-Vax!
I asked to speak to a manager and was rudely told to move along.
Zoom! Pow! Splash! How I Became More Productive Working at Home During a Deadly Pandemic!
I am doing number two while talking to my number one client.
A Stern Letter of Complaint to The Magic Castle
Rolando set the braised short ribs on Belinda’s plate after pulling them out on a string one rib at a time from his gaping mouth.
The stomach tightens and sinks.
The heart and lungs follow.
It’s a confounding reaction to a receipt of affection.
It’s familiar, and, therefore, oddly comforting.
But familiarity can be a curse.
A cursed reminder of what once went wrong when you were just trying to do things right this time.
This time it’ll be different, you say.
Why? You’re different, but what are you doing differently?