There’s so much shit going on that if a civil war were to occur, most of us wouldn’t even know what side we’re fighting for or against. America, like a cranky toddler, needs a goddamn nap.

The sign of a good Chicago neighborhood is not the property value or the level of crime, but whether neighbors shovel more than just the sidewalk in front of their house.

Not too long after that I got my friend Jaz, who’d grown up in the suburb of Berwyn fer petesakes, to cross from one car to the next via the emergency doors at each end while the train was in motion. We had no reason whatsoever to move seats, but she’d never done it before and the cheap thrill put a wide smile on her face and lights in her eyes I couldn’t resist indulging.