Uvalde cops lie. They are cowards. They are partly responsible for the death of 19 children and two adults. But, hey, at least they got to return home safely to their family so they can talk about how hard their job is—handcuffing parents who are begging them to be brave and do the thing they swore to do: protect their community.

If you have a gun and go outdoors, wear a mask.

Lindsay Graham says, “It’s unusual, but that’s Trump style.”

I feel safer knowing that everyone in this room is packing heat.

I use a bidet for the exact same reason I use a pencil: Sometimes I make a mistake.

We just put it in the bank until we’re ready to roll out negative Trump TV ads. Which is tricky, because we see them as negative, but his base applauds them. 

Batman – Sorry I didn’t come from another planet like you, or that I’m not some meta-human freak, or a woman. I have money and I have bullets. And a cool car.

Mass shooters possess three secret weapons that will always give them the upper hand.

Today's ENOUGH National School Walkout is set to be one our country's most historical, nuanced and, hopefully, most effective protests. It's always been the youth who are first to take to the streets but they've never been this young before.

This last week has been an emotional one for me. It’s been very emotional I imagine, for most of us. I struggle now to express this deepest sense of gratitude that I feel toward these brave students. Their courage in the face of terrible adversity and horrifying opposition has provided an influx of faith in humanity, and a renewed interest in impaling baddies.