Brett Dworski 7/15/26 Brett Dworski 7/15/26

Wild One

They entered the open-brick condo eager to rip each other’s clothes off. Maria rubbed the front of Eric’s kakis, while he slid his fingers up her red bubble skirt. He tore her white blouse and sucked from her shoulders down to her fingertips. Maria unbelted Eric’s pants and chucked the leather across the room.

David Himmel 7/15/26 David Himmel 7/15/26

Conversations with Whores

Old men with cheap cigars talking to half naked women, who can’t waste too much time with one guy because it’s all about turnover. Beyoncé was playing on the jukebox and it sounded out of place. Hip-Hop didn’t belong there. It was too cool for what was really going on.

Wayne Lerner 7/15/26 Wayne Lerner 7/15/26

The First Time

“Let’s just say, doing it for the first time on the soft sand with music playing, the sound of the waves in the background and the helping hand of wine and smokes, made for an evening I’ll never forget.”

David Himmel 7/15/26 David Himmel 7/15/26

Hagatha the Dog Witch

Hagatha, upon arriving in Chicago, had developed an allergy to cats. She tried Zyrtec, Claritin and Allegra, and all the potions and spells in her Witch Craft: Curses & Remedies book. Nothing helped. Her eyes watered, which made her face melt a little.

Jenni Thurston 7/15/26 Jenni Thurston 7/15/26

Roses of Aphrodite

She had the admiration of the gods and mortals alike. But the thorns of the rose were in her heart, and she longed for someone to remove them.

David Himmel 10/15/24 David Himmel 10/15/24

Today! Casey Basch Funeral!

CASEY BASCH – FUNERAL TODAY!

The exclamation mark had to be a mistake. Maybe it was a prank—the work of teenagers out the night before? There was probably a church sign somewhere in town that read JESUS LOVES DICK.

Jenni Thurston 9/7/23 Jenni Thurston 9/7/23

The Cereal Wish | Part 8

I turned back to the window. The drones hovered only a moment, then toured to the right to spy through another apartment window like hornets trying to find their way into a hive. Some bored dudes in quarantine were probably trying to score a peep show.

Brett Dworski 9/6/23 Brett Dworski 9/6/23

The Cereal Wish | Part 7

“Those motherfuckers—spying on me again,” I said.

“Who’s spying on you?” Sarah asked.

Joe Janes 9/5/23 Joe Janes 9/5/23

The Cereal Wish | Part 6

Sarah was gone. All that was in the hall was a big box full of boxes of Product 19 on its side. I hate Product 19, but she wants me to eat it because it’s healthy. She must have bought it to make up for forgetting the cereal. “How is this my wish?” The genie was gone, too.

Joe Janes 9/4/23 Joe Janes 9/4/23

The Cereal Wish | Part 5

I wake up lying flat out in the entry hall closet we never use because we are too lazy to open the door. I’m lying on boxes of Chocolate Peanut Butter Cheerios I had wished into being. There are even some extras to make a pillow for my head. Melted chocolate is streaming out of the boxes like cookie blood. I can hear Maggie snuffling at the doorway.

Contributing Writer 9/3/23 Contributing Writer 9/3/23

The Cereal Wish | Part 4

As you have already learned, I am a quick thinker. Like, how I used my second wish to live inside of the classic sitcom Cheers. Yep. Everything is going to be smooth sailing from here on out.

It’s true that I’ll miss my girlfriend, Sarah, but as Dave Matthews said in a Facebook post in 2018, “What a great ending of a great tour!”

Norm walks over to me.

MT Cozzola 9/2/23 MT Cozzola 9/2/23

The Cereal Wish | Part 3

“What can I do for you?” asked the funnel of incense as it materialized into a small-boned woman in a red Chanel suit.

Guest User 9/1/23 Guest User 9/1/23

The Cereal Wish | Part 2

And there I was, twenty minutes later out trucking with Maggie four blocks away now from our place down Algren Street. It seemed to be nap time for the rest of the world while I took the much-needed air.

David Himmel 8/31/23 David Himmel 8/31/23

The Cereal Wish | Part 1 (Again)

Thank God for the dog. If not for her, my girlfriend wouldn’t let me leave the house. When the pandemic got serious, she didn’t care about toilet paper; she b-lined it for the milk. Our freezer is perfectly packed with Swedish meatballs, broccoli florets, and twenty-three gallon-size Ziplocs of milk.

Anonymous 8/12/23 Anonymous 8/12/23

Archived—A Toxic Friendship Fairy Tale

A darkly delightful tale of a hare standing up for herself against a selfish, useless, ignorant fucking bunny.

Wayne Lerner 5/2/23 Wayne Lerner 5/2/23

Before The Eulogies, A Word From The Deceased

Good morning and welcome to my funeral. Or should I say good afternoon?

Jenni Thurston 12/23/22 Jenni Thurston 12/23/22

Santa's Gift

Ricky stood in the snow with one sneaker untied and his backpack hanging far too low on his back. His breath misted in the frigid December air. He shook, but not from the cold. His mother taught him to layer up, making it almost impossible to catch a chill.

No, his shivers were from fear. A fear he had every year. But this year was going to be different.

Anonymous 11/9/22 Anonymous 11/9/22

[Worth Revisiting] A Toxic Friendship Fairy Tale

A darkly delightful tale of a hare standing up for herself against a selfish, useless, ignorant fucking bunny.

David Himmel 8/17/22 David Himmel 8/17/22

A Green Bottle Fly Takes Stock of His Life

This yard is fantastic. There’s never a shortage of poo. Piles of poo everywhere. Look! There’s one! And another over there! And another! Oh, boy, how long has this one been here? Poo doesn’t go rotten does it? Nah, of course not!

Paul Teodo 6/12/22 Paul Teodo 6/12/22

[EXCERPT] Gorski and The Goat

On a urine-stained olive green cot in the back room of Rosalda’s Cantina in Ciudad Juarez, I came to. Blacked out. Again. A smell I couldn’t quite put a finger on. Rank breath, a muffled gurgle and what felt like whiskers. I hope not our hostess, or worse, one of her chicas.