Hillary Clinton should do what ex-presidents do: sit back, pop some popcorn, and watch the shitshow unfold. My God, the woman has earned that. She should relax, count her millions, enjoy time with her grandchildren. She should write more books. But no more about her successes or her failures or how her failures aren’t her fault. She should write political thrillers. I would love to read a novel ripe with House of Cards-type intrigue, murder, sex, and corruption. Who knows that shit better than our girl HRC? Perhaps only her husband. (And please note, I’m not calling the Clintons corrupt, although, they did have Jeffrey Epstein killed, right? No? Oh, okay.)

You want women, boy, do we have women! Va-Va-Vavoom! Grab ‘em by the policy!

We just put it in the bank until we’re ready to roll out negative Trump TV ads. Which is tricky, because we see them as negative, but his base applauds them. 

…that Americans hate the poor because poor people remind them how rigged the capitalist system is against anyone not born into wealth. No one wants some smelly, homeless former public school teacher demonstrating the thinness of the ice one stands upon.