Political/social stridency is about as attractive a trait in a person as Jimmy Fallon fandom.

It’s funny, the things I care about now since becoming a father. It’s not the environment or my finances or my health — not any more than I did before Harrison arrived. It’s diaper changing stations in public restrooms. I see one of those in a men’s room and I am overwhelmed with joy. #FathersRights 

Oh, shit. I think I used that Fathers’ Rights hashtag incorrectly.

When asked about the upcoming holiday, I get all tingly thinking about the roasted turkey, the creamy mashed potatoes, the gravy, the yams! But that’s not what others think about, anymore. They stuff themselves at noon and put their boots on and are waiting in stores for the Black Friday sales before their turkey has even reached their small intestine. Oh, but what about family time? Well, hell, bring the kids, send them out on their own little mission to find that marked-down item in the catalog! Don’t forget to put them in helmets and full body armor, the crowds get pretty rough.