He: Beautiful watch you're wearing

She: My father will be pacing the floor—Wait, what about my watch?

He: Listen to the fireplace roar

She: No. This isn’t about the fireplace. Look, really, I'd better scurry

He: Okay. That’s fair. Text me tomorrow. I’ll get you a Lyft.

I look forward to knowing the indisputable results of the presidential election so that we can enjoy our holiday season debating whether “Baby It’s Cold Outside” is a rape song or not. (It is. That’s how shit got done in President Truman’s America.)

If Lady Gaga can sing Baby, It’s Cold Outside with Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Tony Bennett, it can’t be that bad. Unless she likes being raped or whatever.