“Margaritaville” hit our ears in 1977 but by 1978, it was already being played to present depression and self-destruction to be as much fun as a conga line. Jimmy Buffett turned that into a billion-dollar business. Misery loves company, especially when there’s boiling shrimp, regrettable tattoos, and frozen tequila concoctions involved.

Agent Peggy Carter is totally hot. Cartoon Captain Carter is even hotter. If that makes me a misogynist, you’re wrong. It makes me horny for a cartoon.

My biggest concern, beyond not knowing anyone and just generally hating camp, was that I was going to spend a summer in the woods surrounded by swarms of big, disgusting, loud cicadas. It was 1990 and the 17-year cicadas had taken over Chicago. I had killed so many with such bloodlust that I convinced myself the winged beasts in Decatur had gotten word of me and were plotting their revenge for their brethren.