Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of February 15, 2026
• The best time to be awake is the middle of the night. Because while the rest of the world sleeps, you can finally be alone with your thoughts. But then, holy shit, what the fuck are you thinking!?
• Buying a ham and cheese sandwich for the toothless woman panhandling for money or food outside of Walgreens is a much better choice than buying her a KIND bar.
• If the Royal Family has enough sense in their inbred brains to support the arrest and subsequent punishment of the Andrew Formerly Known as Prince, then American leaders ought to have equal sense to investigate and punish the other Epstein-related offenders. Or, at the very least, admit that American Power is too insulated for true justice to ever have a chance at prevailing and own up to being a criminal enterprise. Something far worse than being inbred. (Though, probably not as bad as being married to Meghan Markle.)
• The hardest part about leaving town for vacation is knowing that your kids will be with your ex-wife 100 percent of the time. There’s always a little retraining that has to occur upon my return. Like, “No, son, you can’t call me ‘That Big Mistake.’ I’m still just ‘Dad.’”
• The hardest part about writing jokes about being divorced is that they will likely be misunderstood as true statements by your ex-wife. And that’s why she calls me “That Big Mistake.”
• There is a unique joyous pep one gets in their step when they have made the decision to purchase a new car. It’s like, you’re sixteen years old again and just about to get your driver’s license. The world’s possibilities seem endless. But first, gotta get those WeatherTech floor mats.
