We’re All Going to Die on the Toilet

So many substances.
The uppers
The downers
The in-betweeners.

An Elvis Cocktail of everyday kitchen cabinet junk.

Sugar
Trans fats
Alcohol
Amphetamines
Pure protein—shaken, not stirred
Jealousy
Regret
GasX
Anger
Relief
Frustration
Boredom
Carcinogens
Desire
Overstimulation
Hatred
Forgiveness
Loathing
Love
Loss
Discovery
Desolation

Set the cruise control for the master bath. The one with the bidet.
Bring your phone with you. Call the coroner.