The Minutes of Our Last Meeting - White Anti-Defamation League
by Joe Janes
The White Anti-Defamation League
Donny’s Living Room
July 31, 2019 11:30am
In Attendance: Donny, Chris, Vincent, Peter, David, Eric, and John
Donny – Welcome to the White Anti-Defamation League Steering Committee Meeting. We are getting a lot of on-line interest and enrollments. People are listening to the podcast that are probably not us. There are evil communist people in this country trying to put us down - call us racists for standing up for our rights, try to take our guns away from us, try to give us things like free healthcare, try to tell us Christmas is just a holiday. Well, we’re sick and tired of it! Also, don’t forget to sign-up for the softball league. I have a feeling this is going to be White Heat’s big year. We’re going to give Skokie’s Nothing But White Sox a run for their money.
Vincent – Back to being sick and tired, man, those non-white oppressors rile me up! Don’t forget the Bible. They try to tell us Jesus isn’t white. Well, he sure looks white in the pictures I seen at church. They calling my church a liar?
Peter - My company wants me to work side-by-side with women and people of color, some of whom are also women. Now, I don’t mind working with people as my equals as long as they know I’m really in charge, even if I am technically not.
Chris – It ain’t equal rights if you’re better than everyone else! That’s oppression!
ALL – Here, here!
David – Our president, the straight-shooter that he is, ain’t afraid to call out the racists. Racists like Congressman Cummings, Al Sharpton, Martin Luther King, Junior, and Malcolm X.
Eric – Why do you sound southern, all of a sudden?
David – What in tarnation do you mean? I’m just speaking my mind.
Eric – You’re from Evanston, Illinois. I have never heard you speak like this.
David – I can talk any ol’ which way I want. It’s a free country. Love it or leave it, Eric!
Eric – Hey, I invited you to this. Don’t be such an idgit!...Oh, my! That felt good! I hate snowflakes! Yee-haw!
John – Now, gentlemen, we are straying away from the point of this here conversation. Not all southerners are racists, unfortunately. On the way here, I was walking my pet German Shephard Robert E. Lee -
Donny – You have a German Shephard named Robert E. Lee?
John – Of course. Best of both worlds. His name used to be Blackie, but I think General Lee better captures his essence…
Chris – Your dog hates black and brown people, too?
John – He doesn’t hate them. He just gets what’s going on. Gives them a good growl without and commands. Look, I have pictures of him wearing his confederate flag army sweater. Adorable!
Chris – Bottomline: We are patriots. Patriots who love Nazis and the Confederacy, which is our goddamn God given American right!
Vincent – That Putin guy ain’t too bad either. Or that Kim Jung-Eel. We can like whoever we want and still love the flag. I have a flag that’s a fleece throw blanket. And I tell you what, when I’m napping on top of it on the couch in nothing but my boxers, well…I wore an Old Glory Hole into it-
Donny – Okay, okay. Look. We have a mission. We are quickly becoming a minority in our own country.
Eric – I think we already are one.
Chris – Not according to the Fox News polls. And they ask all their viewers.
Donny – If we don’t stand our ground, we’re going to be treated the same way we’ve treated minorities since the birth of our nation. We all know we don’t want that!
Peter – I can’t afford to be paid less. There are people there trying to get me to quit. I am being harassed because of the color of my skin.
ALL – Concerned gasp!
Peter - You know what I found on my desk the other day? A solitary saltine cracker.
Vincent – May as well be a noose!
Eric - You should sue your company for having an unsafe work environment.
Peter – My lawyer has already been in touch. The higher ups claim it’s mine because I ate chili at my desk that day. Except I use oyster crackers, because they’re exotic and I am open minded. I do not use saltines.
Donny – Good luck with your lawsuit, Peter. If there’s anything we can do to support you in this time of need…
Peter – Thank you. Just knowing you all have my back makes such a gol’ dern difference!
Donny – They say we are racists because we say racists things. Well, I’m here to tell you, it ain’t racist if it’s the truth!
ALL – Amen!
Donny - And we should be speaking our truth loudly. This is The White Anti-Defamation League Steering Committee. Membership, paid on time, has its privileges!
ALL – Huzzah!
Donny - Meeting adjourned! Now, let’s eat some Chick-fil-A!
(The men all hoot and holler while firing pistols.)