I've met rabid Evangelicals who are easier on the senses than most basic bitches with their rush to autumn—pumpkin spice, sweaters, and jackets. You people are insufferable prior to September 21st and mind numbingly annoying every day thereafter.

Sometimes holding your liquor is just as bad as holding a feral honey badger in heat and on cocaine.

If your concern over stay-at-home orders is because of the negative impact it may have on mental health, fuck you. Where was your concern over mental health before you couldn’t get your Starbucks each day?

Volkswagen – “Schindler’s Car”

Popular VW models transform into one another through the decades bringing us to today.

[V.O. – MAN]
A lot has changed in eighty years.
The way we live. The way we drive. The way we don’t kill Jews.
The all new 2019 Volkswagen Jetta. It’s not a Jew killer. 

Gillette doesn’t feel like a sales pitch. It feels genuine. It is a marketing success. But also, “Buy our razors because Dollar Shave Club and Harry’s ain’t woke like we are.” There’s just no escaping it, for-profit companies need our money, and they’ll do anything to get it. In this case, Gillette did it right.

So, did I just witness a #MeToo moment? Was I the guy who pushed through her personal space? Did I assault her sensibilities? Did I make her feel uncomfortable?

Maybe. Probably. But I doubt she’ll make a big deal of it to her friends — assuming she has any. I think that young woman operates in a state of perpetual annoyance. The city and its people and its Starbucks electrical outlets are nothing more than inconveniences hellbent on ruining her day. It’s her world and the rest of us are mere pigeons shitting on her head.

Valerie, to Spock: One concern I have is your allegiance to logic and rationality, which, while admirable in itself, has traditionally and nominally been used to silence and stupefy females. Males accuse females of being irrational and emotional in order to delegitimize the experience of females and deny the relevance of their emotions, when in fact, emotions—especially anger, hatred, and love — are perfectly logical.

The fact that in all zombie stories, we are the zombies seems to get lost in the tales of the survivors. We are the masses of unthinking, brain-eating undead creatures shambling about looking for the living. Next season, I hope they give the hordes of flesh connoisseurs access to a zombie Faceborg and the allegory will be updated.

...that nothing makes me happier than Hannity being exposed and Ryan leaving the House. If McConnell is discovered to have a cache of weasel pornography on his hard drive and photos of himself with him jacking off while eating dogshit, I'd be the Happiest Asshole on Planet OMG.

...that, while the woman calling the cops to arrest the two black men in a Phillie Starbucks is complete and utter anal weeping, you aren’t boycotting Starbucks any more than you are deleting your Faceborg account or boycotting the NFL. And what would happen if you did? Would Starbucks cease to hire marginally racist white women as managers — in Philadelphia?