Don Hall 9/23/19 Don Hall 9/23/19

I Believe... [Packers vs Joe Biden]

…that there is almost no substantive distinction between a rabid sports fan and someone on either side of the political fringe.

Don Hall 9/16/19 Don Hall 9/16/19

I Believe... [Too Much {Clap, Clap} Time On Your Hands...]

…that if the hill you die on is whether or not there is a female 007, that a Popeye’s chicken sandwich is less homophobic, or how many black people were in Game of Thrones, I’d suggest you have far too much time on your hands.

Don Hall 9/9/19 Don Hall 9/9/19

I Believe... [Certainty is a Sign of Error]

…that when it comes to economics, sociology, psychology, politics, meteorology, and craps, if you are dead certain of something you’re probably wrong.

Don Hall 9/2/19 Don Hall 9/2/19

I Believe... [We Hate the Ones We Feed]

…that your stance against billionaires is only undercut by your reliance on a gas-powered vehicle, your adherence to googling things when you want to know something, wearing shoes made by mega-corporations, and your lunch at McDonalds/Burger King/Popeyes/KFC/Taco Bell.

Don Hall 8/26/19 Don Hall 8/26/19

I Believe... [The Poster Child of the Early 21st Century]

…that the poster child of the early 21st Century is a twenty-year-old wearing ass-less chaps, misspelled tattoos, and a multi-colored bandanna taking Instagram selfies with a sign that says “Don’t Judge Me.”

Don Hall 8/19/19 Don Hall 8/19/19

I Believe... [Bill Hader Deep Fake]

…that the deep fake of Bill Hader transforming back and forth into Tom Cruise is so fucked up I now think I believe in the power of Satan.

Don Hall 8/12/19 Don Hall 8/12/19

I Believe... [Video Games do not Cause Terrorism]

…that blaming video games and movies on mass shooters is like blaming the election of Donald Trump on the Russians.

Don Hall 8/5/19 Don Hall 8/5/19

I Believe… [I Have a Dream — Set in a Casino]

…that a casino is the true example of a melting pot of diversity: rich, poor, black, brown, white, English, Spanish, Japanese, German, fat, thin, straight, gay. You wanna see the America you dream of, go to Vegas.

Don Hall 7/29/19 Don Hall 7/29/19

I Believe… [Impeachment Plans Are Pyrrhic]

…that impeachment has always been a pipe dream and the more time wasted pissing and moaning about it, the more attention paid to it, the less energy there will be to actually vote the fat fuck out of office. There is nothing noble about a Pyrrhic victory.

Don Hall 7/22/19 Don Hall 7/22/19

I Believe… [No One Is Above Law, Right?]

…that no one is above the law except brutal police, billionaire hedge fund managers, a percentage of rapists, and undocumented immigrants. Apart from that, no one else. Oh. And the president.

Don Hall 7/15/19 Don Hall 7/15/19

I Believe… [Optimism is a Choice]

...that, at some point, you must choose whether or not to see your past as the glory days or see your future as the best days to come. That choice will determine how bitter or optimistic you become as you grow older.

Don Hall 7/8/19 Don Hall 7/8/19

I Believe… [The Benefits of ManScaping]

...that manscaping in Chicago was hipster and an attempt for a middle-aged man to attract younger women but manscaping in Las Vegas is merely an attempt to keep my balls from boiling like Georgia peanuts.

Don Hall 7/1/19 Don Hall 7/1/19

I Believe… [College Isn't Mandatory]

...that while I completely agree that college should be tuition-free in the United States, asking for previous student loans to be forgiven is a bit much. College is optional, not mandatory and anyone who signed up for a loan to go knew exactly what they were getting into.

Don Hall 6/24/19 Don Hall 6/24/19

I Believe… [You Are Not Your Credit Score]

...that if you judge your own success by your credit score, I’d like to point out there is a Kool-Aid stain on your shirt.

Don Hall 6/17/19 Don Hall 6/17/19

I Believe… [Gambling is Basically Buying Hope]

...that nothing is more desolate than an empty casino; nothing is more exciting than a full one. A whole room full of people buying bits of hope is a gas.

Don Hall 6/10/19 Don Hall 6/10/19

I Believe… [Pride Should Be Justified]

…that one should demonstrate pride in something accomplished rather than mere existence. Thus, Gay Pride (because of the accomplishments over generations of stigma) and not Straight Pride (because what the fuck did we have to overcome except the lazy task of consistent acceptance?). I mean, I’m straight but I can’t say it’s necessarily anything to be proud of.

Don Hall 6/3/19 Don Hall 6/3/19

I Believe… [Your Delusion is Showing]

…that if you see the world as an Either/Or proposition, a place of definable Good and Evil, and a belief that the righteous will prevail, you’re living in a delusion fueled by comic books, blockbuster movies, and religious propaganda. Go watch Requiem for a Dream, Glenngarry Glen Ross and Magnolia, and grow up.

Don Hall 5/27/19 Don Hall 5/27/19

I Believe… [#trumpisjustareflection]

…that the internet is the most sophisticated communication tool invented to date and the best we can figure out to do with it is to piss and moan about our pet causes and bully one another. #trumpisjustareflection

Don Hall 5/20/19 Don Hall 5/20/19

I Believe… [Surprise! Just When You Thought Alabama Was Done Taking a Shit!]

…that the sudden shock and surprise that several of our worst states in terms of rights for anyone but the wealthy decided to put laws into place to challenge Roe v. Wade in the Supreme Court indicates either a blissful ignorance or a sad complacency. It’s like we saw the big dog eating bowls of slightly rotten meat and its own feces and, days later, were awestruck when it shit all over the living room.

Don Hall 5/13/19 Don Hall 5/13/19

I Believe… [Women Are Not Baby Farms, You JagStains]

…that one of many paradoxes presented in modern American society is the odd confluence of overpopulation run rampant, the decrease in financial aid and paid time off for young mothers, and the bizarre desire to force women to have babies they either don’t want or can’t care for. For fuck’s sake, get the priorities in line — if you want women to be baby farms at least pay them for it or get out of their business…