Elf in the Crossfire: Santa Ain't a Paramedic
As I'm parked, people are slowing for the light and staring me down in the outfit, which is essentially a bright red slutty elf costume. For tis' the season for idiots to spend money on a fancy bike cab ride since sleighs are pretty hard to come by around here.
Empires collapse, fortunes evaporate, and stocks nosedive into hell—but a deep sleep, a clean shit, and a laugh that shakes your skeleton remain the closest thing humanity has to real wealth.