Mother Mo(u)rningstar

 You like to say I’ve got a musicality … melody of voice that hooks you in. And I say I’ve always hated my register or tones because I hate how you tease. Hate to be misgendered. And how I missed out on a childhood dream. Feel like the devil: traded wings for hooves. Music for pens… and I watch violinists, guitarists, vocalists with adoration and memory of muscle. 

I’d sing for you if you asked. But I lost my voice three times and forgot how to hear myself. Don’t know what I sound like on the scale. So I’m silent ‘til stirred to speak.

I’d sing for you… if I had a better time off this page. Scream to see it through…Belt even though my breath doesn’t come from my lungs– if you promise to catch me when I faint.

I’m a thunderstorm beneath heaven. Twice stuffed in a bottle. Mother, Mother… I listen to love songs with longing. Because I’d scream for you, if this move I’d dance for you… Even if I lost my voice just like my wings.

I’d sing for you

In my draped silks and linens

Like  a reaper 

Bearer of harmony

And havoc alike

Below heaven …

I’m a Mo(u)rningstar.