The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | Expelliarmus, Harry Potter!

The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | Expelliarmus, Harry Potter!

Jesus looks down from his perch on the altar at St. Edward’s where books with magic in them are banned.

Jesus looks down from his perch on the altar at St. Edward’s where books with magic in them are banned.

By Joe Janes

 

St. Edward Catholic School

Nashville, Tennessee 

Pastor’s Office

September 2, 2019     8:30am

Attendance: Rev. Dan Reehil, Father Damian, Nancy the school secretary

 

Rev. Dan – Thank you for meeting me, Father Damian. I have a grave concern to run by you. I have been on the telephone to exorcists all over the United States and Rome…

Father Damian – Really? That’s a lot of exorcists. 

Rev. Dan – I wanted to make sure I did a thorough job. 

Father Damian – I’m sure they were happy to have something to do. What has you so worried?

Rev. Dan – There are some books in the library that I think we should ban from our library.

Father Damian – Because they are possessed by evil demons?

Rev. Dan – Maybe. I think they are full of evil ideas that could lead our students down the path of evil actions. 

Father Damian – Well, most books are just books. They contain information and it’s up to the reader to make critical decisions about it. Some books about Satan, for example, might be too adult for students in a catholic school. I don’t think they’d be influenced in any bad way, just bored. 

Rev. Dan – The books I am looking at are a series of tomes about magic. People do bad things in these books. Bring the dead back to life, change liquids into other liquids, plants and animals speak, things transform into animals and vice-versa, people control the weather and landforms…

Father Damian – Sounds familiar. 

Rev. Dan – This book is filled with spells that when uttered out loud work and conjure evil spirits. 

Father Damian – How do you know that, Rev. Dan? 

Rev. Dan – People have told me that these things have happened to them.

Father Damian – Could I talk to them? Exorcisms are rare because they are usually mental illness or related to drug addiction. But if what you say is true, this could be a gig for me. I get bonuses for exorcisms. 

Rev. Dan – Well, okay, you can talk to me. It actually happened to me. I started reading one of these books late at night and I tend to move my lips when I read. I accidentally read a spell out loud that knocked me unconscious and when I woke up, there was a drink in my hand, money from the offertory in my pajama pockets, and a young boy’s book bag at the foot of my bed. That was also when the bishop walked in. 

Father Damian – So, there’s a witness.

Rev. Dan – Yes, I was caught…in the throes of an evil spell. Thank the Lord he came into my room when he did. 

Father Damian – Why was the bishop coming into your room?

Rev. Dan – He said he felt compelled by the Holy Spirit to visit me. Clearly, to disrupt the evil from these books. He said he was naked to emphasize his purity.

Father Damian – Well, then, yes, I agree with everything you have suggested, Rev. Dan. These books have no place in our school. Expelliarmus, Harry Potter! 

Rev. Dan – Who’s Harry Potter? I was reading the Bible.

Father Damian – Ah, this is awkward.

Nancy - Obliviate!

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