For me, it's those fucking chains of Marley that give me pause. Link by link, and yard by yard. The chain we forge in life.

…that any company that fires someone just before Christmas should be burned to the ground. That includes lauded comedy institutions, banks, orphanages, and indie record stores.

On my 33rd birthday, after hiding among the people and jobs, I realized that I wasn’t a mutant or a super hero.  I wasn’t a part of a team. There was no one else on the entire planet with powers and life wasn’t a comic book.  So I embraced my secret identity - Don Hall, average big-mouth white guy - and did my best to pretend I was normal.  Just like everybody else.

I committed my first murder on Christmas Day 1958. I was eight.

Actual advice I shouldn’t have given to a woman who is 34 weeks pregnant: “Just remember to take care of yourself, too. You’re still your own person. Your baby doesn’t need you to give him everything. He’ll be fine without you. Treat yourself.”

Benny was a degenerate troublemaker, so we got along very well. When adults marry, they say they found the one. To a teenage boy, the one is the friend who teaches you how to spank the monkey.

Unfortunately, not everyone made it. I know one little girl separated from her parents by Border Patrol that isn’t going to find any of the 2018 Year in the Rear review humorous. Which one, you ask? Well, the dead one, of course — the dead girl.

Happy holidays!

He stands to admire the puzzle of misdirection he has laid. The blinking red light is subtle, set against the red canvas duffle. His eyes stare into the pulse and he ponders, “Is the blinking red a warning?” 

Florida: The World’s Largest Drive-Thru Zoo. Next!