I Believe.. [At Least He's Number One in Scandals]
…that this Mueller investigation has patiently and methodically put together nothing short of the most corrupt and systematic presidential scandal in history.
I Believe… ["Ruby's Tears": Band or Craft Beer?]
...that the naming of craft beers has now eclipsed the art of naming both bands and albums.
Problematic Movies of the '80s | Weird Science (1985)
In 1985, there was a horny, stupid ideal of the perfect woman and the movie Weird Science exemplified it. Given today’s sex robots and unlimited free porn, I’d say we haven’t gone too far away from the concept…
I Believe... [Warning: Strobe Lights and Personal Castigation Ahead]
...that, in the spirit of appropriate trigger warnings, can we have some that warn us that a comedy show will be more like a lecture on how awful white guys are?
Two Kinds of Pain: Useless and Useful or What I Learned from Frank Underwood
“There are two kinds of pain. The sort of pain that makes you strong, or useless pain. The sort of pain that's only suffering. I have no patience for useless things.” — Frank Underwood (House of Cards, Season 1)
From the Archives: Unpacking Branson: A Thanksgiving Improbability
For Thanksgiving in 2012, I was single and Mom decided that I should come out to my step-sister's place in Branson, Missouri for a good old-fashioned country Thanksgiving. The carrot was family. The stick was Missouri.
Problematic Movies of the ’80s | Porky’s (1981)
Honestly, in getting ready for this one, I procrastinated for a few days. I didn’t really want to watch Porky’s again. The poster image is of a dude peeping at a woman in a shower, for chrissakes! After Bachelor Party, I felt like watching another would feel like punishment but this is the trap I’ve set for myself, so on a Friday afternoon, I sat down and hit play.
I Believe… [Beware The Golden Rule If You're An Asshole]
…that in the spirit of the Golden Rule, if you have decided it’s appropriate to harass people on the street or in front of their homes to make a political point, you deserve exactly the same treatment when taking your kids out to Chuck E. Cheese.
Puppet, Pauper, Pirate, Poet, Pawn & King
We’re moving to Las Vegas!
The Tea Party Cage Match
I’d love nothing more than to have two Tea Parties in place because the fierceness of the fight would be electric but it all plays into the WWE Wrestling Reality TV government that favors the Trumps of DC rather than the calm, reflective and sober rationality of folks who can truly govern.
Being Reminded that You are Disposable isn’t Fun but it’s Necessary
George Bailey wasn’t special. He was, on most faces of it, a real loser. That’s why he decided to end it all — he was a failure from the lens of post-modern success. Clarence didn’t change his mind, he shifted his perspective away from himself to those who surrounded him.
I Believe… [We Need a Purple Wave in Two Years]
…that we had us a bona fide Blue Wave and took back the House like a Boss but the Other Guys increased their hold on the Senate and we now have some serious persuading to do to pull off 2020. Gonna need a Purple Wave to win that one.
Problematic Movies of the '80s | Bachelor Party (1984)
Is it possible that I was indelibly stupid as a teenager? It must be possible (indeed, probable) if I found anything remotely funny about this film. I mean, in rewatching it, I had to pause the movie five times just to get up and remind myself to keep watching.
The Reasons Behind the Shooter: At Some Point, It Doesn’t Matter WHY
“… if we understand the Why, we can do something to prevent it in the future. Yet, we often don’t. What we do instead is to allow our cave drawing comprehension of why to create excuses.”
Problematic Movies of the '80s | The Three Amigos (1986)
Going in for the first viewing since I was a teenager, I had my 2018 goggles steaming up. I recall a lot of racial stereotypes and it felt like I was going to be bombarded with unapologetic cultural appropriation — I mean, three white guys wearing sombreros is kind of a red flag, right?
I Believe… [Your Opinion Is Only Really Valuable On Election Day]
…that best reason to go out and vote is to give your voice and opinion an opportunity to contribute to something more than Zuckerberg’s bottom line.
Problematic Movies of the '80s | Blame it on Rio (1984)
The whole thing is played with wink-wink adolescence of a slightly greasy, older uncle complimenting his niece on her pantyline.
There Is a Right Way To Do This to Avoid a Second Civil War
I look over and the most angry of the two called out across the tables “What the fuck are you looking at?”
Caught a bit off guard, I stumbled. “Do I know you?”
“No, but I know YOU. You’re Don Hall. You’re a piece of shit!”
I Believe… [Shaming People is The Least Creative Approach]
…that shaming people for not voting is still shaming people. Persuade them or suffer the consequences of your lack of creative effort.
Problematic Movies of the 80s | Back to School (1986)
With outrageous and terrible one-liners, cameos by Sam Kinison, Severn Darden, Danny Elfman and Kurt Vonnegut, Sally Kellerman as a love interest, Burt Young as Melon’s tough guy valet, Back to School is an embarrassment of riches in a dumb but heartfelt movie.
...that, as we age, good footwear is more important than a girlfriend.