Don Hall 9/3/18 Don Hall 9/3/18

I Believe… [The Popular Kids Were Assholes]

…that our adoration and covetousness for fame is absolutely no different than the quest to be popular in high school. And the popular kids in high school were mostly assholes.

Don Hall 9/3/18 Don Hall 9/3/18

Labor Day Celebrates a Long Gone Dignity

Robber Barons are back in control, the banks are so predatory that it’s hard to believe that bankers aren’t equipped with shark teeth hiding behind their benign smiles, the gig economy is now being trumpeted as somehow new and distinct from the age-old practice of sharecropping, and I’m quite certain that no one who actually works in the labor sector has ever worn fucking white pants anywhere.

Don Hall 8/28/18 Don Hall 8/28/18

How Progress Wins: Recalling the Bedrock Narrative

Optimism is the belief that all problems are solvable.

Don Hall 8/27/18 Don Hall 8/27/18

I Believe... [Repentance is Like Shitting in One Hand and Wishing in the Other]

...that human actions are no more evil than a hurricane’s. We assign evil to problems as if repentance will solve them. Contrition is no more helpful to fixing society than looking at the floodwaters and winds and falling to your knees to pray and blame someone/something for them.

Don Hall 8/26/18 Don Hall 8/26/18

Oversimplifying the Complex

Human beings are a simpleminded lot. In order to make the world a bit more comprehensible, we tend to take huge, complex issues and simplify them in ways that boil it all down and appeal to our common sense.

Don Hall 8/24/18 Don Hall 8/24/18

A Urinal Cake Was The Only Souvenir I Could Afford

Did it matter that toilet water is exactly the same water that we get from the tap and drink and that urine has no germs and that the urinal cake definitely had destroyed any nastiness pee'd on it due to the extreme nature of a cake of ammonia in water? Not even a little. I had stolen a urinal cake from a theme park in Missouri and stuffed it in my pocket.

Insert your own metaphor HERE.
EDITOR'S NOTE: Do, please insert your own metaphor in the comments section of this piece. —DH)

Don Hall 8/21/18 Don Hall 8/21/18

Who Benefits From Fear?

I grew up being told that the Soviet Union was something to fear.

Don Hall 8/20/18 Don Hall 8/20/18

I Believe… [I Would've Taped Those Meetings, Too]

…that, while I’m no fan of Omarosa, it is fun watching her troll Trump in ways that make the Oval Office seem even more like a telenova.

Don Hall 8/17/18 Don Hall 8/17/18

All the World’s a Stage and Identity is Just Another Costume

The intersection of every type of human in the park is incredible. Name an identity — from the most common to the smallest segment of current society, white cisgender heterosexual male to transgender bisexual black woman — and they will be somewhere in this giant wok on the east side of Chicago on any given night.

Don Hall 8/15/18 Don Hall 8/15/18

Signs That You Are a Member of the Extreme Left or the Alt-Right

Does the shoe fit?

Don Hall 8/13/18 Don Hall 8/13/18

I Believe... [And The Statuette Goes To Justin Bieber]

...that it was just a matter of time before the Academy Awards morphed into the MTV Movie Awards. “And the Oscar for Best Onscreen Kiss goes to...”

Don Hall 8/12/18 Don Hall 8/12/18

The Life of a Bird on the Sidewalk

Others came out and determined that it was breathing but was obviously in its death moment. I stepped closer to see if it would move and it hopped, slightly, to the side causing everyone to spasm.

Don Hall 8/11/18 Don Hall 8/11/18

Take Your Shit Seriously, Not Yourself

Show me a storyteller who only strives to teach the audience a lesson, to show the audience her pain and victim status, who takes his shit so seriously that every story told has a moral or a sense of condescension, and you have a Shaman. Show me a storyteller who only wants the attention for the laugh, who only tells stories of her "most embarrassing moments" with the sole purpose of being liked, and you have a Village Idiot.

Don Hall 8/6/18 Don Hall 8/6/18

I Believe… [Embracing Your Emotional Superpower]

...that, when being forced to work with a former assistant who demonstrated mendacity, casual ruthlessness and generally low character in the past, being someone capable of compartmentalizing emotions and reactions is like a fucking superpower.

Don Hall 8/4/18 Don Hall 8/4/18

Judged a Total Loss by a Complete Sham

I’m still with Progressive but I’m down to the most basic, General Liability policy they have because, apparently, Full Coverage doesn’t mean a fucking thing.

Don Hall 8/1/18 Don Hall 8/1/18

White Privilege: Finding Pragmatics Apart from Spiritual Dogma

The automatic response to a white guy rejecting this approach is that it makes me uncomfortable and that I’m fragile. I’m anything but uncomfortable with having conversations. I believe that dialogue rather simply being told to shut up and listen is the key to growth. That said, having a dialogue about sin with a religious zealot is a cul de sac from which there is no escape.

Don Hall 7/30/18 Don Hall 7/30/18

I Believe… [Things I Can Do Without]

…that, aside from venereal disease and being centipeded to someone who only eats Taco Bell, I can't think of almost anything I'd want less than a foldable smartphone.