Don Hall 12/17/17 Don Hall 12/17/17

What Price For A Cultural Paradigm Shift?

If the Future is Female, I hope it isn’t Margaret Thatcher, the women behind the Tokyo Rose broadcasts, or Susan Smith (who drowned her children and claimed it was done by an anonymous black man.) I hope the Female Future isn’t Aileen Wuornos, Imelda Marcos, or Eva Braun.

Don Hall 12/13/17 Don Hall 12/13/17

The Metric of Judging an Apology

My grandfather once told me that anyone who demands an apology will never accept one. He added that those who deserve and are open to an apology rarely ask for one.

Don Hall 12/11/17 Don Hall 12/11/17

I Believe... [I've Pretty Much Had It With Social Media]

...that the unfortunate consequence of social media is that it has made me dislike human beings so much. I'm realizing how toxic it is to know how everyone feels about everything and I'm thinking my wife has it right by not engaging almost at all with these platforms.

Don Hall 12/10/17 Don Hall 12/10/17

Five Life Hacks from Rocky Balboa

I'm a child of the Star Wars generation. Lucas' sci-fi blockbuster came out when I was 12 and I saw it—I think—about 20 times that summer (pre-VHS mainstream, so I had to go to the movie theater every time). But as I've grown older, it was Rocky, the Best Picture of 1976, that resonates with me still today. I own all six of the saga on DVD and, even though I'm willing to admit that not all of them are real winners and offer in some ways the egotism and airbrushed cheesiness of 1980s Stallone, I still love the creation of Rocky Balboa and his particular outlook on life.

Don Hall 12/9/17 Don Hall 12/9/17

If Advertisers Sold Products the Way Americans Sell Ideas

Don Hall 12/7/17 Don Hall 12/7/17

They Had It Comin' All Along: From Dragging Weinstein Naked from a Truck to Building a Movement

This is a reckoning. No question. A long overdue culling of powerful dick wavers and rapists. As it gains steam, the knee-jerk reaction to believe anyone leveling an accusation and desire to include any behavior counter to polite as harassment will need to subside and a bit of rationality will need to takes its place. Not right now—still too many fuck-os out there cowering in their boots, clammy hands gripping their vestigial limpidness, in need of purging—but soon.

Don Hall 12/4/17 Don Hall 12/4/17

I Believe... [Russiagate is a Smokescreen]

...that the need for self-expression combined with the faulty promise of access to the megaphone of social media has created a reward for disingenuous posturing and boasting of virtues best left felt rather than heard. Watching Matt Lauer do a PSA against sexual harassment is just a national example of doughy guys on Faceborg signaling their sad complicity and sorrow for having cocks.

Don Hall 12/3/17 Don Hall 12/3/17

Look at All of These Freakin' BOOKS!

Here at The Ape, in addition to slapping our over-sized monkey paws on keyboards to bring you daily food for thought, fiction, poetry and general reading material for your work bathroom breaks (do they notice that you always bring your phone into the toilet?) our contributors also write books. Like whole books to read or to purchase as gifts around the holidays for the unsuspecting family member.

Don Hall 12/2/17 Don Hall 12/2/17

Making Online Less Ugly: Our Avatars Are Reprehensible

I've read through the New York Times' "A Voice of Hate in America’s Heartland" at least four times now and that three-word sentence impacts me the most.

"Online is uglier."

Don Hall 11/30/17 Don Hall 11/30/17

Beware of the Bait & Switch in the Gig Economy

With the full knowledge that freelance work is feast or famine, dealing with the famine times is key. That means random gigs that pay but don't take up a lot of bandwidth. Substitute teaching, extra work on local television shows, dog walking, etc. are all simple ways to make a few bucks to sustain life on Earth financially.

There are, however, small-time versions of the scam - the seemingly easy gig, low-paying but with a twist. In these scenarios you are no more a human being than you were in the corporate machine and thus need to be wary.

Don Hall 11/27/17 Don Hall 11/27/17

I Believe... [Will SOME Mega-Corporations PLEASE Regulate the Internet?]

...that there is a paradox afoot when we are trying hard to get a few mega-corporations to regulate content on the internet (Faceborg, Google) and trying hard to prevent other mega-corporations from regulating content on the internet (Comcast, ATT&T) at the same time.

Don Hall 11/26/17 Don Hall 11/26/17

Detente is a Stupid Concept Created by The Mind of a Slow Child

"Fight fire with fire" is perhaps the most asinine thing ever said.

The literal perspective is ridiculous. You fight fire with water and by eliminating the oxygen (which is, in the firefighter's parlance "letting fire eat itself"). Imagine trying to put out a fire with a flamethrower and some gasoline and you see how dipshit the idea is.

Don Hall 11/23/17 Don Hall 11/23/17

Unpacking Branson: A Thanksgiving Improbability

For Thanksgiving in 2012, I was single and Mom decided that I should come out to my step-sister's place in Branson, Missouri for a good old-fashioned country Thanksgiving. The carrot was family. The stick was Missouri.

Don Hall 11/22/17 Don Hall 11/22/17

The Principle of The Thing Paints Us All in a Corner

If you ever watched The People's Court, you were assailed with court cases that often were as petty as they come. Neighbors suing neighbors for cutting down trees, going to court against family for a George Foreman grill that was left and won't be returned, rage-filled people suing each other over slights and financial hardships that amounted to children spatting with each other over stolen marbles.

It was always more about the Principle of The Thing than The Thing.

Don Hall 11/20/17 Don Hall 11/20/17

I Believe... [We Are Poised to Lose 2020]

...that the Progressive slogan for Election 2020 is now officially "Cutting Off Our Noses to Spite Our Faces."

Don Hall 11/19/17 Don Hall 11/19/17

Turning Into Margaret Dumont

We were the Grouchos! We’re not the Margaret Dumonts — and we’re turning into the Margaret Dumonts on a lot of levels. That lets the misogynists and homophobes and racists seem like the rebels: “Well, we’re saying what people can’t say anymore.” We should be having way more fun with language and jokes and going too far. If our side starts doing that, then I think we’re fucked in terms of moving forward as a society. -- Patton Oswalt

Don Hall 11/18/17 Don Hall 11/18/17

When Crowdfunding Resembles Opportunism or The Greed in Your Ask is Getting Obvious

I most recently joined the World of Crowdfunding with my new Patreon Campaign. I’m torn as, in general, I’ve seen far too many of these efforts resemble either a corrupt civil servant trying to raise money for bail or legal fees, someone desperately using it as a replacement for medical insurance, or Ian Belknap using GoFundMe to help pay for an office space so he doesn’t have to deal with his kids at home while churning out pedantic screeds on Faceborg.

Go ahead and Google “crowdfunding abuse” and the list is long and ugly.

Don Hall 11/16/17 Don Hall 11/16/17

Trusting Hope Over Experience: The Shedding of the Old

“Everything I had built in the past 15 years just went up in smoke. It’s gone. I mean, what the fuck do I do now?”

My friend had gone through one of those tribulations that involved losing status within the community of artists he was a part of, losing his job on top of that, and flailing his now beaten down limbs in search of what he was supposed to do, who he was supposed to be, after the dust had settled.

I understood the feeling.

Don Hall 11/14/17 Don Hall 11/14/17

What Price to Admit Error?

I was also wrong about Louis C.K. Sure, when I made my semi-defense of the man no one had actually come out and declared that he was a sick asshat who just couldn't stop exposing himself to women, but I was still wrong. Joe, however, was dead right. C.K. has made his mea culpa and we'll see if he makes amends. But I was WRONG.

Don Hall 11/13/17 Don Hall 11/13/17

I Believe...[Outing Spacey Doesn't Erase the ShitShow That Was "Rent"]

...that, if you're going to carry around a palm-sized supercomputer that cost you a grand and is made almost entirely of in your back pocket, you probably shouldn't treat it like a disposable burner phone. The computing power to send NASA to the moon should not be so carelessly stashed that close to your bunghole, bro.