All tagged thinly veiled metaphor

Your Life, Your Music

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn."
— Charlie Parker

The converse to this Parker quote is that if it comes out your horn, it’s because you lived it.

I’ve been thinking a lot about bias these days. Looking into my own biases and parsing out where, exactly, the playing of my horn is exposing those dark areas of things I cannot get behind no matter how many strident, angry voices tell me to.

What comes out of my horn for some time in recent history is predicated by my experience, thus the quote.

Anatomy Of A Bad Haircut

I’m not just telling you about his hair to feel superior. There, but for the grace of God and the lack of an intelligent and stylish woman in my life, go I. I’m no GQ model myself by the way. I don’t even have all my testicles. I promise I’m not punching down. 

Chasing Our Tails: The Russian Hackers Knew Us Better Than We Thought

We laugh because dogs, while often more intelligent than we think, aren't as intelligent as we want them be nor as savvy as those fucking dogs in the movies.

Many dogs never get the urge to chase their tails and, if you've ever tried to teach one that does you understand the near impossibility of it. The dog that chases its tail is blind to the distinctions.

Why do dogs chase their tails, though?

America is a Teenager

The thing about these “new” societies is that they are “young” societies. Not children, necessarily. Children are fun and challenging but most people are cool with kids. It’s when these societies become “teenagers” that you have to watch them. When a teenager has too much control of a room full of adults, then you have a problem.

America is that teenager.

Whatever Happened To That Bald Eagle Metaphor?

First of all, I didn’t choose the bald eagle as a symbol for America. Some other blowhard with a quill pen did that. Famously, Ben Franklin thought that the turkey would be a better metaphor. In a letter to his daughter Sarah, in 1784, he explained how he saw the bald eagle as a coward and a thief. He thought the turkey was braver and more honest. So now we have to unpack even more metaphors.

...fucking Mark

Later, Mark asked me what I thought of his DJ set. This was long past me being fed up, so I told him the truth as delicately as one can tell someone that they were awful. Mark told me he had a gun, then threatened to kill me for “talking shit.” He was serious. I told him, I shit thee not, that he’d have to fucking aim at me first. That was not a nice thing to say, nor smart. But I did.

No I am not afraid of him reading this.

It's too long.

What The Duck!

I mean, I understand a joke. I heard one weeks ago and I legitimately LOLed. But this type of misrepresentation of an entire species of aquatic bird is irresponsible, despicable and immoral. Most ducks I have met are simply trying to get on with it. Just living life. A hard working dad, finding fish to regurgitate into mom’s bill. An ever vigilant mother who leads 12 kids across the street, without government assistance or welfare of any kind.

Feeding the White Wolf Movie Popcorn

I remember this guy I used to know who was just kind of pissed off all the time. Sure, I’m curmudgeonly and have been most of my life. (I think I graduated from cranky in my twenties, hit asshole somewhere in my thirties, went to curmudgeon in my forties and am currently working on my PhD in misanthrope. Just need a few more credits and a thesis paper.)

This guy, however, was just constantly angry. About everything. He managed to find insult to himself in almost any interaction.

Problematic

Hours later I’m at my apartment. One arm is holding a bag of frozen peas over my contused eye, the other sits across from me on the ottoman as crossed as it can be, half, in defiance.

“Arm... why did you punch Tina Fey?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Is there a problem? Did you hear what she said?”

“I know, I know. You already told me. It’s just that...”

“Yeah, well. Saying that we should just sit down and not fight him at all is offensive.”

“I think it was a joke?”

“Well, it was not funny.”

fights we will never win

There's a lot of talk about eliminating cancer. The thing is, that just can't be done. It's a fight we will never win. Cancer is a cellular defect, life jacked up to an exponential degree, and while we may be able to kill cancerous cells, we'll never really be free of cancer, really.