My Mom Told Me Not to Get Naked on Television
I've been arrested twice in my life. Both times were for public nudity.
So, when one of the pieces of advice my mother gave me as I packed up my truck to move to...somewhere...after college was "Don't get naked on television. Keep your clothes on!" it made perfect sense.
My Emotional Support Strategy Isn't as Cute as a Puppy
I am now at war with the Chicago Transit Authority, Target and United Airlines for denying me my right to utilize my emotional support strategy and generally discriminating against myself and those countless people who have the same ailment but have been silenced by a marginalizing oppression due to archaic views of the human body.
Empires collapse, fortunes evaporate, and stocks nosedive into hell—but a deep sleep, a clean shit, and a laugh that shakes your skeleton remain the closest thing humanity has to real wealth.