J.J. – Okay, everyone, The Last Jedi is about to open. Time to break the story for the next and last film in the trilogy. 

Derek – Shouldn’t we see the film first and see what Rian Johnson did?

J.J. – Sitting at this table are the hottest white male middle-aged Hollywood writers who brought the world Justice League, Batman v Superman, the Jurassic Park reboots… We can do whatever we want. If it contradicts anything Rian did, we can fix it by saying Kylo was lying because of the Dark Side. Or time travel. I like time travel a lot. Great way to fix things.

You: I’m trying to find the perfect gift for my Star Wars-obsessed friend/sibling/lover. I don’t know, I guess maybe they’d like a custom lightsaber or something?

Me, an intellectual: Baby Yoda.