I Believe... [Signed Copy, Plz]

...that I’m not going to see Creed III despite the excellent Michael B. Jordan, Jonathan Majors, and my love of all things Balboa because the producers cut Stallone completely out of a storytelling arc he single-handedly created.

...that the schism between self interest and the social contract is perfectly illustrated by a guy, at 4am, who forgot his building key screaming “Nicole!” for a half hour like Stanley Kowalski in hopes that she will wake up and let him in.

...that having kids is like buying a bidet—you lived without it for years but now want everyone else to understand the pure joy of ownership and how you couldn’t imagine your life without it.

...that the best reaction to the release of my latest book is “I’d like a signed copy. But not by you.”

...that modern discourse has become little more than a glorified version of Yelp! in that the people who enjoy things and ideas keep it to themselves but those who don’t like the service go fucking scorched earth nuts to get ‘justice’ by screaming at the top of their digital lungs to get the ideological restaurant shut down because there were only three chicken wings with too little sauce.