I Believe... [Who I Am]
...that I’m the Rachel Dolezal of assholes—I’m a really nice guy who identifies as an asshole.
...that I’m the Christopher Columbus of dairy—I discover bricks of cheese, claim them as my own, subjugate the slices, and conquer them.
...that I’m the Edgar Allen Poe of self publishing—no one will read anything I write until I’m dead and stuffed into an unnamed pauper’s grave but then there will t-shirts with my face on them sold at local bookstores.
...that I’m the Forrest Gump of career paths—no rhyme or reason for where I’ll go, always seem to do well for a limited window, and maybe a bit retarded.
...that I’m the Ed Wood of marriage—none of my projects are any good, fail miserably, but the casts are pretty freaky and the sweaters are fabulous.
