THANKSGIVING DAY HEADLINES

The First Thanksgiving taught the Puritans to make sure you have enough chairs for guests.

by Joe Janes

 For many people, Thanksgiving this year will be a return to “normal” which means extensive travel and celebrating with family and friends. The world will still be turning and the news will still need to be reported.

So our readers don’t miss out, here are Thanksgiving’s top headlines.

Seven Dead After Shoot Out Over Wishbone At Lauren Boebert’s Home

 

Dressed As Turkey Outside White House, Trump Begs Biden For Pardon

 

Family Listens To Christmas Carols Oblivious to Thanksgiving’s Feelings

 

Extreme Temperatures Cause Turkeys to Burst Into Flames in Alaska

 

Gangs of Vigilante Drag Queens Vow to Make the Streets Fabulous

 

Overeating and Televised Sports Help Families Bond While Ignoring One Another

 

Herschel Walker, Ted Cruz, and Lindsey Graham Convinced They All Speak for Black People

 

Elon Musk Last Person on Twitter, Doesn’t Know How To Turn It Off

 

Anti-Vaxer Marjorie Taylor Greene Vows To Only Eat “Pure Blood” Turkeys

 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING – WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!

Vigilante drag queens making sure you have a safe Thanksgiving.