The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | The Donner Party

by Joe Janes

The Donner Party

8:30am, January 30, 1847

 Truckee Lake, Sierra Nevada

 Attendance: George Donner, Jacob Donner, Tamsen Donner, Elizabeth Donner

George - Okay, everybody. It’s very cold outside. Colder than it has been all winter. We can’t go outside without freezing our faces off. What food do we have in here?

Jacob – Not much. I just looked in the pantry. We have half a can of nutritional yeast. And some cumin.

Tamsen – We could melt some snow and make a broth with the seasonings.

Elizabeth – That sounds horrible.

Tamsen – It’s better than starving.

George – Maybe we could order Grub Hub.

Jacob – It’s too cold outside. No one is delivering. 

Elizabeth – There’s cat food.

George – That’s for the cats.

Jacob – There’s the cats.

George – Damn. One just died of old age. We shouldn’t have cremated it. What was I thinking?

Tamsen – Cat soup sounds mighty tasty, right now.

Elizabeth – I’d rather eat my right arm than eat one of our precious felines. 

Jacob – Okay.

Tamsen – I’m game.

Elizabeth – Wait. Use my left arm. I’m right handed. Also, since it’s my arm, I get to have seconds. 

George – Go easy on the cumin.

What could have been.