American Shithole #21 — Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III: Feckless Runt

American Shithole #21 — Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III: Feckless Runt

by Eric Wilson

"I’ve been doing this work for 25+ years, this is the worst thing I have ever seen." — ACLU Director

Who are we, America?

I knew our Attorney General was inhuman (I had him figured for half man, half Keebler Drow), but this chicken nugget-sized evil leprechaun has finally revealed the tesseract of horror that is his true multi-dimensional identity.

It’s like a fucking Hellraiser film all of a sudden, you know? One in which Pinhead is also a racist wood elf from Alabama.

“We’ll tear your family apart!”

Pinhead Sessions.png

"Also, try my cookies."

At least he’s finally tipped his hand as to why he’s been so willing to take golden toilet-loads of shit from Trump for so very fucking long: as everyone has figured out by now — it was so he could torture terrified brown children.

Yes fellow Americans, let’s just go ahead and continue to unpack the fact that our government ripped children out of the arms of parents — all at the behest of our Attorney General; all of whom are seeking asylum in our country.

Instead of implementing immigration policies that reflect a commitment to at least a base-level of human dignity, Sessions shredded the 5th and 8th amendments, and violated international law to boot by deliberately causing the suffering of children for political, financial and ideological gain.  

Let’s sift through the rubble of our own ideals for a minute, as we ruminate on the dead father, Marco Antonio Muñoz, who killed himself last week while being held in detention. He was so distraught after being separated from his family; he could no longer go on living.

Let’s claw through the wreckage of the vehicle that rolled over several times, killing five of its occupants as they were chased at speeds upwards of 100 mph by Border Control this week.

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And let’s take another hard look at the faces of those terrified children — the children Jefferson Beauregard Sessions ripped from the only safety they have ever known — and let's try to imagine the world  they are struggling against defenseless, a world where they have experienced little other than hunger and despair. Their fragile hope for a better life snuffed out in an American cage.

I am sure, dear reader, you have heard the audio.

After we put a stop to this — and we will put a stop to this — we don’t get to celebrate much. (Author's Note: We put a stop to this, sort of. Maybe. It might be worse, unsure yet. It's probably worse.) 

Congratulations America! Way to not (by official policy via the justice department) torture children anymore! That’s quite the bar we’ve set. I can see the slogan now…

America! We No Longer Torture Your Kids!

Somebody get on that, I smell a t-shirt.

I've let out quite a few sighs of exasperation in the last 96 hours. Let's take a look back at the last few days, shall we?

Her guilt and shame drip from every pore.

Her guilt and shame drip from every pore.

DHS Secretary Nielsen was rushed to the White House Monday evening for a 5:00 pm emergency meeting and press briefing. Expected by some to resign (she lied days earlier in her statement that there was no policy to separate children from their parents), she instead was clearly instructed to double down on the horrific situation, and place the blame squarely on congress for expecting DHS not to enforce the (imaginary) laws (congress) passed.

So she lied, again. There is no such law of the land that migrant children be separated from their parents. It is a policy laid forth by Jefferson Shitbag Beauregard Fuckface Sessions the Turd — two months ago.

I can’t believe she came out there on the dais of the White House Press Room, and doubled down on that policy. I was half-hoping at some point mid-briefing that she'd break down and say "fuck this, I can't do it," and walk off the stage. Instead she has to live with the guilt of that performance for the rest of her life.

Kirstjen Nielsen put on a good show, but she’s all angles and sharp edges, with a near constant whisper of discomfort troubling her visage — betraying her desperate desire to be anywhere else. The banner of law enforcement hangs heavy on her bony shoulders; like wet rags on a scarecrow.

She should have called in sick; her sacrifice netted her less than nothing. Two days later the president picked up his ball and went home.

Protesters descended on a popular D.C. eatery Tuesday evening, routing Nielsen from her intended meal with shouts of "shame!" What kind of food is served at the trendy Washington hot-spot, you ask? Mexican. I might've went with "we don't dine with Nazi swine," but "shame" works. Well done, D.C.

This event (and perhaps Corey Lewandowski mocking a little girl with Down Syndrome on live t.v.) might have forced the president to take action Wednesday — although terrible behavior from his minions has rarely moved him to action in the past.

Not that there isn't a laundry list of dark deeds to choose from.

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This is quite the rogue's gallery of sadistic, spiteful, greedy whelps suckling away at the sour, sagging, man-teats of this presidency.

Top to bottom, this administration strains the definition of pathetic — and we as a nation are pitiful by proxy. 

Pathetic and pitiful as we may be, we are not these monsters. Sessions’ soul is clearly now and forever a colostomy bag filled with the offal of child cruelty — let’s never let him forget that — but we are not these monsters. In reminding him, we will hopefully never forget how he has tainted us all.

He’s American Shithole’s Monster of the week.

Congratulations, Jeff. Tough company up there, but you pulled it off, tough guy.

Tough guy that hurts defenseless kids.

Everybody is blaming Trump, but you’re the worst fucking person in the world right now, Jeffery. Look out though, that was Kirstjen Nielsen clawing at your little elven booties.

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Of course, Trump didn’t do anything to stop this horror show; not until he was forced to.

He blamed Democrats for a law that doesn’t exist, when all it takes is a google search to find Sessions announcing the new immigration policy several weeks ago.

Not that his base would bother fact-checking information gleaned from atop Mount Horseshit.

Then on Tuesday he likened these fragile human beings to an infestation. 

Trump wasn’t taking cues from Sessions though — he hates Jeff almost as much as we all hate Jeff — no, it was our old friend Stephen Miller who was instrumental from the get-go in convincing Trump that separating children from their parents, resulting in irreparable emotional damage and incalculable physiological and psychological trauma, was somehow a quality policy change.


You all remember Stephen, don’t you? Senior Adviser to the President, and Sessions’ former longtime communications director? Ol’ Sporky? Yes, Mr. “Come Hither Face” was hot on the idea of torturing brown kids from the very beginning.

Still, this is Sessions’ baby; or perhaps it's Rosemary’s Baby. This is the prize he so coveted as he silently took all that presidential tweeting in stride. This is what he risked everything just shy of treason for — to hurt children — and, as I imagine we will soon discover, to get filthy rich.

I spent Monday evening watching various talking heads defend the policy. The usual suspects: Kelly Ann Conway, Steve Cortes, Rick Santorum, etc., and at around mid-Cuomo Prime Time (10:30 PST) I had reached my limit.

What struck hardest for me were the interviews in Red States — various patrons supping at the local Waffle House, diner, what-have-you — and to a one, they were all pissed that they were being made to "feel" something about those kids. That's what they talked about. They were mad about the empathy they were experiencing.

Where are we now, America?

I never imagined the mathematics of our situation to be so dire. There are some grim figures out there, some terrifying polls.  Before the election, even well after inauguration, I never imagined the ugly numbers we would be facing on so many different fronts. For fuck’s sake, in a recent poll this week, the majority of republicans supported this immigration policy that treated toddlers like cannon fodder in an ideological war.

Everywhere I turn, if I am not lamenting polling numbers, I am waylaid by the financial gains that are always at the heart of this administration. In this case, it is the influx of wealth for anyone invested in private prisons, where the immigration policies have been a cash cow. For what it costs to house each separated child, they each could stay comfortably in a Trump hotel. That is quite a tidy profit that the private prison industry is reaping.

Beyond the numbers we have SNAFUs at home and abroad that are unprecedented. Untenable, in some cases, and this latest debacle along our border with our neighbor Mexico is certainly not helping anyone — except perhaps Sessions, and the rest of the soulless dirtbags vile enough to invest in private prison interests...

Globally, diplomatically, we now sail where the map is typically marked: Here Be Dragons. Never in the history of our country have we navigated such rough waters with both allies and enemies; we are alone, and adrift at sea.

Economically Trump is setting trade war fires in every country he can pick a fight with; in an obvious attempt to smokescreen the Russia investigation. He would drain our country’s coffers like a tub of dirty bathwater if it meant even a smidgeon of a chance at saving himself.

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Morally? Well then... there is the elephant in the room. The cancer of the Trump supporters — blind to evidence, deaf to persuasion, dumb to suffering — these Bronze Age imbeciles are the impenetrable puzzle box. They are morally untethered to any sense of reality, and good ideas seem to harmlessly bounce off their oversized supraorbital frontal ridges like ping pong balls.

They are the black hole at the center of our collective American universe — devouring any conventional efforts to thwart their false god — stray too close with a handful of truth, and it’s drawn beyond the event horizon. Sucked into the nothingness, the emptiness reflected in their eyes.

Starved for victory, thirsty for even a droplet of purpose in dry country — they are still here; their numbers unchanged — rotting from the inside out, festering, baking in the hot sun all along the country roads of a nation that left them behind, long before they were ever born.

What do we do about the Americans that support this madness?

Stay loud as hell, it seems. In a rare turnabout Wednesday, Trump signed an executive order putting a halt to the egregious policy of separating children from their parents. It only took the entire world screaming bloody murder in his ear; we’ll take the win — although it doesn’t really feel, or look like one.

It's been a hell of a week. I don't know what this executive order will mean for families that have already been separated; no help at all would be my estimation. I am not familiar with the legal ramifications of imprisoning entire families together, either. I just know it seems ever-so-slightly less horrifically awful than the day before. It's a win, I guess, but it's clearly still a shit show.

Please get back to your unfinished business of destroying anything left standing in this country with any dignity remaining, Mr. President. Move along. Decent Americans will be busy cleaning up after this new low, the best they can.

I'm pretty sure the Confederacy had height requirements.

I'm pretty sure the Confederacy had height requirements.

Not you, Jeff, you horrible little shit. You’re still going to pay for this, motherfucker. America will not let you torture children and get away with it, you feckless runt.

You are nothing if not representative of Trump's base, I'll give you that.

Speaking of which, after the last couple of weeks we’ve had, I'd like to reiterate my stance on Trump supporters:

Whatever they sell, whatever services they provide, whatever occupation they may hold — don’t support them any longer.

Don’t hire them — ever again.

Someone else out there does what they do, or provides the services they provide; and that American isn’t a raging fucking hard-on that supports the torture of children seeking asylum. That American is not one of the quiet conservatives that know damn well how terribly fucking wrong this all is, yet they have remained silent since the beginning. You know who you are, you fucking cowards.

Those that would support the never-ending list of atrocities this administration keeps deep-fisting our country with don’t deserve our support in any way ever again.

To Hell with family and friends that would embrace this cold, cruel lie.

I know there are some liberals out there that have been hanging on to the idea that if progressives just get a little quieter, the problem will go away. I love you, but no, it won’t. You need to get angry, motivated, and involved. 

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Engage if you can, but at some point Trump supporters have to feel the pressure that only the stranglehold of an unfavorable market can deliver.

They certainly can't be allowed to successfully silence their most vocal critics. Rob Rogers, for example, is one of many who've lost their jobs expressing their disdain for this president.

If you don’t understand what America — Humanity — is facing from the Trump administration at this point, then your willful ignorance is an enabler of this slow-moving coup. I am not trying to offend you, but if you do understand, and yet can’t be bothered to buck up and attend to your civic duty, then you are a coward, and quite possibly a useless, lazy asshole.

I should know — I used to be all of those things.

Not a coward like the vast majority of Trump supporters, mind you — that propaganda-driven noxious herd of bovine shit-for-brains knows only fear; it is their only driving force, and they are desperate to convince the rest of us that anything other than that is true. Just as they are stalwart in believing anything other than the truth about this unholy administration.

No, you are not one of those cowards, but if you sit this one out, you are a coward just the same. 

B.S. Report

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The B.S. Report typically focuses on the causes of the brave young adults from Florida and their collective efforts to change gun laws in the USA, but I am fairly certain the Parkland survivors would want every American focused on the terrified, emotionally and physically traumatized, helpless children sitting in cages just north of our border, and elsewhere around our country. I regret not focusing on this crisis last week, or the week before when American Shithole barely mentioned what was going on down there.

Well, America?

Has this soul-destroying administration crossed the motherfucking Rubicon, or not?

(Author’s Note: I would like to offer my thanks to the Doctors and Staff at the hospitals and rehabilitation institutions that have provided my father with another Father’s Day; specifically, one where I had the opportunity to discuss my upcoming visit with the old man, tell him how much I love him, and to tell him about the book I sent him in hopes it would bring laughter — which in my humble opinion, is indeed at times the best medicine.)

Happy Father’s Day, dad. Fuck these fascist scumbags.



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