Hall is wondering why he hasn’t lit Kansas on fire with his artistic terrorism and the chimps yak about the ground fertility for some new artistic ‘bad boys.’

Himmel goes to the ballpark to discover that poor people are no longer welcome, Hall hates Red Lobster because it gave him food poisoning, and if the MAGA crowd is going to fabricate that DeSantis is on the spectrum, those actually on the spectrum should spread rumors of GOP members boning random stuff.

Himmel flipped the calendar last week and is now 47 years old. He shares with us his lessons of the past year.

The Apes have news of a dead body in David’s neighborhood and the ungodly affect that Bernadette Peters still has on their chubby dragons is a topic of discussion. Also, apologies to Naperville.

If you could time travel, would you go back and change anything? What would you change?

Is Himmel drinking beer at 7AM? Is Hall walking around Wichita unseen? How many recreational drugs have the two co-hosts done and what did they learn from the experiences? Tune in, fuck-o, and find out!

First: apologies about Don’s audio. He’s a beta adopter and the latest update jacked up his recording inputs. Second: Himmel was in a mood. Dark. Brooding. Like the ApeCast version of doomscrolling. Buckle in!

On the heels of David’s family friend on the cusp of a hospice death, the apes double down on their own bad taste and challenge each other to a game of “Which Would You Rather?” with horrible ways to die. Good fun for the family!

David went to Florida and was confronted with a fat, bald guy who put “she/her” on the name badge and he had thoughts. This leads the hosts into a discussion of promouns as fashion and the shift from cancelling people to those who have been canceled becoming uncancelled. Fortunately five-year-old Harry clarifies it.

Americans LOVE guns. 400 million in a country with 330 million people. Unsurprisingly, neither of the Apes has a solution but certainly have opinions.

Don compares living in Kansas to an Italian prison or living inside a Walmart and then the chimps chat about whether words are violent or harmful and if bullies are an essential part of living in a world filled with bullies.

Don has taken to watching dating shows on Netflix and screaming at the bad choices; David went to Vegas and got two—TWO—tattoos. Let the hijinks and shennanigans ensue!

David has a conversation with his wife about her very Evangelical approach to helping him solve problems and Don, via his dad, introduces a unique way of describing someone with “Banjo Ass” being introduced into the lexicon.

David has a manly moment in his marriage. Don wonders how that manliness applies to his role as father.

Don released a book about his hateful third divorce and his ex reviews it on Goodreads. The monkeys of the ‘cast break it down. Will she review this episode? Will it get 5 stars? Is Peter Benchley’s Jaws revenge porn against the shark?

The Chimps in Charge talk about their various run-ins with the law and then seque into the horrifying rise in mass shootings. It’s a funnier podcast than that sounds…

Don decides to wind David up about an article that completely exonerates Armie Hammer from accusations by some batshit crazy women. David is unimpressed because he thinks hammer is a forgettable talent.

David is in Orlando for bidness; Don just moved in to his new bachelor pad. Good times are had by all!

An annual tradition for the ApeCast is to listen to Don bloviate about the lessons he learned since his last birthday. It takes a more somber tone but the year definitely pounded a few lessons in his thick skull.

The Chimps with Zoom Access are joined by ApeCast friend James Ford and the three discuss David’s overshare of Holocaust history with his four-year-old son. Plus a crazy Rorschach of the News and some deep dive recommendations for what to do with your week.