He was born of a non-virgin non-Mary.

He was born a month prematurely, disrupting his mother’s plans for a large feast of Italian beef sandwiches, dipped, with all the fixings.

• Israel thought it was getting Jerusalem as a capital city for Christmas this year. I guess it'll have to settle for that gift card to Ross Dress for Less.

It's the holidays! You forgot to get your boss or lover or postal worker a gift and we all know that your social faux pas will be trumpeted across the vast wastelands of social media. Crack open that plastic and get to work, slacker!

Here are a few last minute gift ideas:

As we roll into the Christmas Season, we are confronted with the dichotomy of being the fat, lazy, imperialist nation of consuming hordes that we are with the presence of unprecedented generosity of spirit that the holiday tends to bring out in the best of us. We are slapped in the jaw with the fact that we love our families even if we ignore them for most of the year. We look around and figure out ways to show appreciation to those we love and mercy for those we don't.

And we watch movies about how other people deal with this state.

I love Christmas and I love movies about Christmas. Here's my list of the movies about this time of year that I truly love.

"They ate my wife’s everything bagels. I think I am being very reasonable."

Do you know the history of the White Elephant?

Oh, the storied tales of White Elephant Christmases gone by! The triumph and defeat! The never-ending variations on the tradition from family to family, office to office! I am giddy just thinking about it. But first, let me back up for those who know not of the White Elephant.

This is a Star Wars rooted in the idea that we of Gen X failed to beat the Empire. That our delusion of ourselves is not reflected in our feelings of exceptionalism. Rey and Kylo Rea and Poe and Finn are the Millennials we failed and it is now their story, their fight, their destiny.

…that the hysteria surrounding Y2K was worldwide, caused a low-grade mass anxiety, and ultimately makes us all (those around for it) look a bit silly in hindsight. When confronting all of the hysteria, low-grade anxiety of today, I'd suggest we remember Y2K.

Michele and I talk about everything. Family, work, drinking, commuting, wedding planning, our friends, our frustrations, pregnancy and pending parenthood… We’re about the same age and have seen each other out of our 20s and into our 30s. We’re of similar temperament so every six months, we share similar grievances that come with life’s transitions. We both got married around the same time. And now, she’s pregnant as is my wife. So the other day, while in the chair, we talked about our shared disdain for the uncertainty and discomfort parenthood will bring us. Yeah, we might have talked about some of the positive things that parenthood will bring us but that’s not what held our attention.

If the Future is Female, I hope it isn’t Margaret Thatcher, the women behind the Tokyo Rose broadcasts, or Susan Smith (who drowned her children and claimed it was done by an anonymous black man.) I hope the Female Future isn’t Aileen Wuornos, Imelda Marcos, or Eva Braun.