Israel violating international humanitarian law by using white phosphorus on citizens is a perfect example of how Israel is America’s most annoying friend. You go out, they get a bit too drunk, dump a little white phosphorus, next thing you know, they’re puking in the Uber on the way home. You just can’t take this guy anywhere.

Made a Target run on Saturday with my pre-schooler blasting Lizzo on Spotify during the drive. I’m a great mom.

I believe... that, ironically, the Venn diagram between calling for the destruction of the world's only Jewish state and calling other citizens "Nazis" is simply a solid circle.

The idea that all Jews must support whatever Israel does doesn’t quite play out logically. Let’s follow that logic. Looking at it through the lens of religion, if all Jews must support Israel then all Catholics must support pedophilia. And that’s fucking insane.

I support Israel’s right to defend itself. I also support Palestine’s right to defend itself. Furthermore, I support Palestine’s justification for being pissed off for 73 years since its citizens were displaced and its land confiscated for Israel’s use. And finally, I support anyone’s right to criticize Israel’s policies and actions without being labeled anti-Semitic by the most simple of unprogressive minds.

• Israel thought it was getting Jerusalem as a capital city for Christmas this year. I guess it'll have to settle for that gift card to Ross Dress for Less.