American Shithole #1 — Stephen Miller: Spork Amongst Cutlery

American Shithole #1 — Stephen Miller: Spork Amongst Cutlery

By Eric Wilson

The talking heads are discussing today, with great enthusiasm, if it's Stephen Miller (and not the president) that’s running the show on immigration — which should mean we’ll have Miller’s resignation sometime in the next few months.

I am writing this on a Monday, and if they are still talking about Miller as if he were president when this posts on Thursday, then I predict his departure within a fortnight.

What the hell happened to this guy anyway? By all accounts he had a healthy upbringing, born into a liberal, Jewish family that suffered no serious tragedy or setback during his childhood. He was raised in liberal-leaning Santa Monica, California, where he attended a very progressive high school. Then he attended Duke, but it’s not Duke’s fault; this guy was clearly a chode from about the 8th grade on — much to the obvious chagrin of his family.

Here is an excerpt from his uncle’s statement just days before the 2016 election:   

"The Glosser family escaped Europe as dirt poor immigrants, joined the community, built businesses, and honestly sold goods to their fellow Johnstowners," Glosser wrote. "My nephew and I must both reflect long and hard on one awful truth. If in the early 20th century the USA had built a wall against poor desperate ignorant immigrants of a different religion, like the Glossers, all of us would have gone up the crematoria chimneys with the other six million kinsmen whom we can never know."
— David S. Glosser

That’s a wicked, extended family burn. No pun intended. His uncle invoked the holocaust on him, and it doesn’t get much more brutal in the Jewish community than that. He’s certainly no mensch.

Stephen thinks you are getting sleepy, very sleepy...

Stephen thinks you are getting sleepy, very sleepy...

It is a remarkable feat to be the “most-despised” member of this administration, but I loathe Stephen Miller on such a visceral, base-level, that my neurons fire erratically as soon as I see his churlish, sourpuss visage. His countenance on television brings about the emotions you might expect when cleaning dog diarrhea.

The face that I imagine would launch a thousand swipes left.

He's not very adept on-camera so far. (His comments on Fox News were used in a lawsuit against Trump's travel ban; he embarrassed himself last summer in a row over the Statue of Liberty.) He’s certainly not camera-friendly, although that is due at least in part to his dressing like a former Bond villain that’s now selling Amway products. This is not to say he is not achieving his goal of disrupting any kind of sensible immigration policy — he  just does so clumsily, and with such bombast that he is hard to take seriously.

Simply put, he’s just not that smart.

His appearances in front of the media, most recently on Jake Tapper, come off more like scripted WWF matches, than any kind of sensible presentation on policy. He’s certainly not cool under fire (rumors circle as to whether or not Miller had to be escorted from the CNN studio).

Bombastic and blusterous rhetoric may be par for the course in this White House, but he still seems oddly out of place in this administration. It’s strange to see him pictured amongst so many multi-millionaires and billionaires. Like a plastic spork amidst the shiny silverware. Scratch that. Like a spork amongst tarnished Trump gold. Scratch that again. Now that I consider the administration's current and former staff (bourbon-soaked dirty gym sock Steve Bannon, one rung above flat-earther Sarah Huckabee Sanders, evil Santa’s elf and stoner’s Antichrist Jefferson Sessions, etc.) they’re all a bunch of dirty sporks.

Miller doesn’t have a remarkable physicality about him, either.

If we were playing King of the Hill (a children's game — very Lord of the Flies — from a time whence children played outside with nothing, came home with contusions and fractures and were instructed to "walk it off"), I wouldn’t pick Stephen Miller to be standing on the acme of Mt. Not-Librul, with his sandal-clad foot resting confidently atop a heap of would-be competitors. Not in a million years. I would pick Stephen Miller to be face down in dogshit at the base of the incline, depantsed, with his tighty-whities up over his head.

There’s just nothing particularly impressive about Miller.

And yet, here he is, a survivor where so many before him have fallen out of favor. Quietly (mostly) furthering his own racist agenda from behind the scenes.

Maybe that’s why he’s still around. He never puts himself center-stage without heaping generous amounts of adoration on his master (it is long known that the way to get through to Trump is to placate his ego; like so many men, unfortunately). Unlike Bannon and the rest of the discarded, Miller never challenges the president — and he would never take credit for anything over Trump. Thankfully, it looks like the press is doing that for him.

This is a good thing, as I am inclined to believe it was Stephen Miller that three times has derailed what should have been a congressional and presidential no-brainer resolution on DACA.

So it’s Thursday, is Miller still in the news? I doubt it. I would not be surprised if we were already far beyond the government shutdown this past weekend, having moved on to one or two subsequent horrors (firing McCabe?). Still, if so, if we’re still talking about Miller 72 hours later, that’s bad news for America’s answer to Goebbels.

Good news for the rest of us.

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