The Expectation Trap
Word has it that the key to serenity and avoidance of misery is to have few, if any, genuine expectations from people. Expect nothing and eliminate disappointment. Lower expectations equals a lower threshold for the unexpected.
This happens a lot with job interviews. Managing your expectation prepares you for the possible rejection and feels like it softens the blow. It does not. Lowering expectations is simply another way to accept defeat. “I’m probably not going to get the job anyway because I’m [fill in the blank with reasons someone won’t see your value as an employee] so I just won’t get my hopes up.”
Yes, the odds in favor of success in this world are almost always astronomically against you. Acceptance of that reality is the road to settling for less than you desire and a lifetime of resentment and self loathing that can (and often will) culminate into a seething rage, a sense of personal injustice, and a powder keg in your gut just waiting for a match.
He who prepares for death is already dead.
A recent friend tells me one night how much he hates his boss, feels defeated every single day in his job, and bemoans that he doesn’t know if he can do it anymore. The gut tells us that he has gone down this road for a decade or so and has accepted slight upon slight, each miserable day justifying the next, that the chances he’s going to jump ship and find something better grows less likely with each passing hour. The calcified bones of compliance and embrace of suffering cage him like the single chain on the captive elephant’s leg.
If you expect to fail, you will.
The story that stuck following college courses in education was that of a substitute teacher coming into a class of sophomores mid-year. He is handed a class roster and next to each student’s name is a number. The teacher assumes these are IQ scores. He teaches these students for nine weeks with these numbers in the back of his mind. At the end of the term, sure enough, the kids with higher numbers nailed it and those with lower scores blew it.
He then figures out the numbers were for their lockers.
This is where the fallacy of lowering expectations invites worse outcomes. “Don’t get your hopes up,” says the false wisdom of those who have grown comfortable failing.
Get your hopes up. Every time. Prepare for a home run every single swing of the bat. It hurts more when you lose but you will lose less often and you will absolutely continue to try.
