"You don't get to decide whether something you said hurt me or not"

Truth.  I do, however, get to decide whether I believe the level of hurt you're expressing is in balance with what I said.

Let me explain before you begin to throw stones of outrage at me.

Picture two five year olds on a playground.  The first falls down and skins her knee pretty good.  She cries because it hurts.  The adult on the playground comes over and gives her the attention that one gives an injured child.  The second kid notices this attention.  It's like when he was so small, he couldn't formulate words so he wailed and screamed when he wanted food, sleep or even experienced the slightest discomfort.

"I hurt my knee, too!" he cries out.  But the adult, seeing that the child in front of her is bleeding and the other child is not, ignores the second because, well, he ain't bleeding.  He's lying.

As we grow to adulthood (or at least at the age we're supposed to be adults, maturity being subjective and independent of age) the impulse of the second child never goes away.  We all crave attention.  We all want to be seen and heard.  Statistically, more people are motivated by recognition than either compensation or autonomy in the workplace.  And every one of us lies.  About things that matter and things that don't.

That doesn't mean you're lying about being hurt.  But it might mean you're exaggerating to get some attention.  In this current Olympiad of Victim Status society, you might be using a bit of hyperbole to elevate your level of hurt to the level of the next guy in order for your voice to heard.  You might be making the false equivalency of being catcalled as being a part of "rape culture" which now means it is equal on some level to rape which is absurd.

You might be attempting to equate being laughed at and made fun of to being abused or assaulted in some way.  You might be declaring that your offense and discomfort is equal to harm.  You might be using broad strokes polemic to indicate that an attack on someone who looks like you or believes the same as you is the same as an attack on you.

So, you're correct.  

I don't get to decide whether something I said hurt you or not.

I do get to decide whether I believe you are hurt or not.

The New Puritans and The Politics of Perfection

We Are the Engines of Destruction

We Are the Engines of Destruction