Do you know the history of the White Elephant?

Oh, the storied tales of White Elephant Christmases gone by! The triumph and defeat! The never-ending variations on the tradition from family to family, office to office! I am giddy just thinking about it. But first, let me back up for those who know not of the White Elephant.

You had on a mask and a face shield. Or, after seeing you, a face chic (wink).

I have a lot of problems. Let me restate that. A lot of problems have me. Having a problem is an illusion. It implies I have control over that problem. I don’t. The problem has control over me.

...that making Starlord from “Guardians of the Galaxy” bisexual presents a conundrum for Chris Pratt: continue to “act” the role or do some method preparation and fellate at least three dudes for some sort of ideological purity?

Hunting rats and my desire to kill them was the first topic of conversation my wife and I had when we met. She said I should not have been walking the alley behind my apartment with a small bb gun shooting at them because they had a right to be there. She wasn’t wrong. But neither was I. Fuck rats. Kill them all.

Kamala Harris is only a Black woman so Biden could get the white liberal woman vote.

The highest of all arts, indeed.

Compromise is about building something rather than destroying something. It is about looking past the obvious differences and finding the more substantial similarities. It is humanist rather than racist or sexist. It is a stretch of the perspective to encompass all of us rather than some of us. Compromise and the commitment to do so is a rebuke to othering, aversion, and moralizing.

Mr. Giuliani gets lumps of coal from the North Pole every year which he uses as hair dye.

He: Beautiful watch you're wearing

She: My father will be pacing the floor—Wait, what about my watch?

He: Listen to the fireplace roar

She: No. This isn’t about the fireplace. Look, really, I'd better scurry

He: Okay. That’s fair. Text me tomorrow. I’ll get you a Lyft.

...that it turns out people who troll on social media are not addicted to sharing ideas but to calling each other names. Hence, the rapid rise and rapid fall of Parler.