We can get to know one another before deciding the desire to have sex is greater than the desire to avoid death.

Sean and Ellen met on Bumble. Their first date was a standard drink at a bar in Roscoe Village. The date lasted three hours and the conversation flowed well.

Their second date was for dinner. The night went well but then, the bill came.

I had never fallen this fast. Usually it takes me at least five dates to develop even a smidgen of feelings. This was different.

I nearly wept as I wrote on their bill “GYB - smiley face - Skylar”. I explained that GYB means “Got your back” as I set down the check.

• I think that the best thing for all of us—this global community—is a nuclear war. It’ll remind us—those of us who are left—how devastating the nuclear option is. It’s been too long since anyone witnessed the destruction the Bomb wields and as a result, we’ve become desensitized to it, which is exactly why the two chubby children think it’s fun to throw threats of a fiery endgame around. So yeah, bring down the fury of hot hell. Maybe it’ll knock some sense into us. Bonus: I won’t have to worry about paying my quarterly taxes next time around.