So tonight, at the time of this writing, I am two hours shy of my forty-fourth birthday and I’m going to dip into the past just a bit, just to the last year, to consider what I’ve learned. And then I’m going to close the door. But before I do, I’ll make sure it’s unlocked and the windows to the past are well Windexed, so that I don’t forget the lessons—all of them—and where I came from and who that boy was and continued to be.

If you nearly drown wading in the ocean, is it better to learn to simply avoid the ocean in the future or learn to swim?

“I must make what happens to me good for me.”

I need to pause and be proud of myself every now and again
I’ve never been one to rest on their laurels. And I’ve never been one for daily affirmations or being really proud of making little steps toward a big goal. I’m not that shallow or weak. But being asked to write for The Atlantic and the President of the United States is pretty cool—and kind of a big deal.

The idea that all Jews must support whatever Israel does doesn’t quite play out logically. Let’s follow that logic. Looking at it through the lens of religion, if all Jews must support Israel then all Catholics must support pedophilia. And that’s fucking insane.

Some things don’t change. We are creatures of habit. But we’re also creatures of evolution, and while basking in the happiness that familiarity brings, we also find ourselves on our birthdays with a heart and a brain full of things learned. So, taking my inspiration from a Don Hall tradition of recounting those things leaned in the past year, here’s the short list of what my forty-first trip around the Sun has revealed to me.

Every birthday since I was in eighth grade, I have spent some going through the year I just ended and looked for the lessons it held for me. Today I turn to page 54 in the Book, so here are the lessons of Year 54.

The best part about having a birthday as a married man is that for twenty-four hours, you’re 100 percent guaranteed that your wife won’t look at you like you’re a stupid idiot. It’s the best gift any happily married man can receive.

Those who make their birthday a month-long celebration are greedy, self-centered, and obnoxious.

He was born of a non-virgin non-Mary.

He was born a month prematurely, disrupting his mother’s plans for a large feast of Italian beef sandwiches, dipped, with all the fixings.