Not Easy
It’s not easy for someone like me to be happy
Always second guessing every decision
Finding something to criticize in every situation
I know others don’t find everything crappy
No irony when they state their mission
But to me their words sound sappy
Love and hope and sincerity are sappy
Do those people only pretend to be happy?
Goal-oriented, working steadily on their mission
Don’t they ever question their decision?
Worry that, despite all efforts, results will be crappy?
How judge the risk/reward in any situation?
I’m awkward in any and every situation
Try to come off as sincere only to seem sappy
Badly masking the truth that I feel crappy
I don’t know how other people manage to be happy
Suicide is always an option in any decision
So many ways to die to end a mission
Existential dilemma, unforeseen results of a mission
No way to plan for every possible situation
Sometimes there is no good decision
Positive thinking is mindless and sappy
I wish the truth could set me free and make me happy
But I fear time will reveal things only get more crappy
Curmudgeonly, I learn to love the crappy
Elevating the damaged and fallen will be my mission
This is the only way I can be happy
By appreciating the flaws in any situation
But I won’t do it in a way that’s sappy
And I won’t expect success from any decision
Choosing to live in a flawed world is a decision
Have to admit complicity in all that is crappy
You don’t fool me with your platitudes sappy
Or your pretend noble motives for your mission
There’s no perfection in any situation
But if I can accept that maybe I can be happy
I’ll make my decision for my mission
Make the best of every crappy situation
I won’t be sappy, but maybe, sometimes, happy