LITERATE APE

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The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | It’s a Date! I Think. Maybe.

By Joe Janes


Zoom Meeting

Tuesday, May 12, 2020    7:00pm

Attendance: Steve, Nance

  

(Zoom screen appears. Steve is sitting there. He wears a tie. He adjusts his lights. He sees a Luke Skywalker figurine on the shelf behind him and he moves it to the floor. He steps away and comes back and puts a dictionary on the shelf. Nance logs on and her camera opens up. She is wearing a very casual t-shirt and looks a bit like a mess.)

Nance – Steve! How are you?

Steve – Hey, Nance. Good to see you. Excuse me for not getting up.

(They laugh.)

Nance – I thought what you posted on Facebook the other day was really funny. I never realized Trump’s last name had the word “rump” in it.

Steve – Yeah. Well. I’m just observant that way, I guess.

Nance – So, how are you doing?

Steve – Good. Good. I’m doing good. You know, all things considered. You?

Nance – I’m good, too. All things considered. I haven’t seen you in such a long time.

Steve – Right? It has to be five years.

Nance – Maybe more.

Steve – Maybe more. 

Nance – Wow. Time flies.

Steve – Sure does. Like the grains of sand in an hourglass. Which don’t fly but move pretty fast. How’s Florida?

Nance – Oh, well. It’s Florida. Everything you think it is. Sunshine, beautiful beaches, people snorting bath salts and trying to eat each other’s faces. The usual. Plus, virus. How’s Chicago?

Steve – Still Chicago, minus going out in public to do things with other people. Miss seeing you around. 

Nance – That’s a big dictionary.

Steve – What? Oh. Yeah. Who doesn’t love a dictionary? Do you like dictionaries?

Nance – Sure. I guess. I use spellcheck. Were you on a work call or something?

Steve – No…?

Nance – You’re wearing a tie.

Steve – Oh. It’s… no big deal. Sometimes I wear a tie. I think it looks good. 

Nance – I feel like such a slob.

Steve – Nah. You look great. You always look great.

Nance – We are just doing this to get caught up, right?

Steve – Uh, yeah. 

Nance – What’s quarantine life like for you?

Steve – What do you mean?

Nance – Who are you living with? Roomie? Girlfriend?

Steve – Just me and the cats.

Nance – Cats? Plural?

Steve – Yes. Cats.

Nance – How many cats do you have?

Steve – Well, how many is too many?

Nance – For a middle-aged single man, probably two on up is too many.

Steve – I have four. 

Nance – No girlfriend?

Steve – Not currently. You? Boyfriend or girlfriend?

Nance – No. I broke up with someone just before all this virus stuff hit. Dating’s a little hard these days.

Steve – It is. Very difficult. 

(long pause)

Nance – Well, I know you’re busy. It was great getting caught up with you.

Steve – Yes! It was.

Nance – Let’s do it again, sometime.

Steve – You know, I think I’m available—

(Nance logs off leaving Steve alone with his camera. He takes the dictionary down and replaces the Luke Skywalker figurine. He turns off his camera.)