The World Is Now Your Therapist, So Have a Cheeseburger

The World Is Now Your Therapist, So Have a Cheeseburger

By Don Hall

Have you seen the new emo Burger King ad?

I’m of two minds on this campaign:

-It’s a brilliant marketing knife thrust at the McDonald’s juggernaut of Happy Meals.
-It feeds into and promotes a culture of complaining.

I love the idea of one company going for the jugular of another with humor. It’s great commercial warfare and those PISSED Meal boxes are going to be collector’s items for the few remaining hoarders out there who still collect physical objects rather than Instagram photos of stuff.

I do not love the idea that in an age where nuance, humor, and snark are taken so literally that the perpetual class of whiners will take this as yet another permission to unload their emotional trash on the streets for all to see. Yes, it’s important to avoid stuffing your bad feels down under the sofa like dogshit you can smell but can’t find, but there’s a reason therapy is usually done one-on-one in a private office.

Moreover, the people we need to be public about their rage and pain we ignore or, worse, publicly shame into silence. It’s highly rare for a marginalized and depressed teenager upset about being called a skank getting an AR-15 and shooting up a casino because of indoctrination by FOX News but when that random angry white guy spouts off about how he’s having a bad day because no one will listen to him puke out his feelings of unwarranted rage at women overlooking him, he is further beaten down for his ludicrous stance on women. No Real Meal for that guy so he grabs some ammo instead.

If we’re going to inflate dissatisfaction and ennui to mental health problems, we’re going to continue to ignore the genuine PTSD and psychosis of people who pose a threat to the rest of the sheeple.

How about some Real Meals for those who truly need them? Special Boxed Burgers for those truly unbalanced and slightly insane?

Comes with extra mayo, bacon, and a vibrating pocket vagina.

Comes with extra mayo, bacon, and a vibrating pocket vagina.

Comes with a deconstructed burger so that all food is separated and an “I’m Supremacist!” Lapel button.

Comes with a deconstructed burger so that all food is separated and an “I’m Supremacist!” Lapel button.

Comes with extra napkins, a copy of the redacted Mueller Report, and a bottle of Trump water.

Comes with extra napkins, a copy of the redacted Mueller Report, and a bottle of Trump water.

Comes with a pair of horse blinders, ear plugs, and a tiny megaphone.

Comes with a pair of horse blinders, ear plugs, and a tiny megaphone.

Comes with a ball of yarn, tuna instead of beef, and nose plugs for guests because you can no longer tell your home smells like catshit.

Comes with a ball of yarn, tuna instead of beef, and nose plugs for guests because you can no longer tell your home smells like catshit.

Happy National  Active Shooter Drill  Day!

Happy National Active Shooter Drill Day!

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