LITERATE APE

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The Earth is Flat and Not Everyone Dies

By David Himmel

The Earth is flat. And not everyone dies.

Photos of the round Earth? From space? Come on. Any fish eye lens worth its salt can add curvature to anything. Even matzah.

Round. Unlike the earth.

Yes, lots of people have died. But we can’t say for certain that everyone dies because everyone hasn’t died. If someone lives long enough they could live forever.

People dying is just a tool of Big Death.

It goes beyond rinky-dink funeral parlors and expensive caskets. Big Death is now more like Big Wedding.

Big celebrations with catering. Booking movie houses and theaters. Enlisting event planners. Big-name comedians like Jerry Seinfeld closing out the show. Death is big business. It’s a circus. But it does a better job of marketing the circus. People will pay thousands of dollars for these big to-dos and the barons of Big Death are laughing all the way to the bank. Right on time, too.

A recent story in the Washington Post lays this fact out nicely.

I should have died several times.

Like when I walked out to the center of a frozen lake. Why didn’t I fall in and freeze or drown to death? Because not everyone dies.

Or when I was trapped underneath a capsized sailboat. Why didn’t I drown? Because Rob Castro, my sailing mate, managed to untangle me. Because not everyone dies.

Or when I fell asleep at the wheel and drove my car off the road. Why didn’t I die? Because. Not everyone does.

Jimmy Carter beat brain cancer at age ninety-two.

Probably should have died.

How do we know heaven is for real? Because kids die, then come back and tell us about it. Why? Because not everyone dies. Even when they died. Motely Crüe’s Nikki Six died. But then he didn’t.

Oasis’ Noel Gallagher wrote a song about living forever. It was a huge hit. Certified Platinum in January 2018. If everyone dies, that song would not have resonated with anyone. But it did. Because not everyone dies.

It’s a pretty bold statement from the living to say that everyone dies or will die. We have no hard evidence that everyone is going to die. Only a fool could be so certain of such an uncertain thing. 

Just like the Earth being round. Have you seen the “round Earth” from space? With your own eyes? No? Then why would you believe the words of “scientists” — many who are on the government’s payroll. Oh, you’re just going to take the government’s word for it? But you won’t believe your president? The person in charge of the government? Yeah. I’m calling B.S. right there. Hypocrite.

Don’t be so simple-minded. To do so is to be a lamb off to slaughter. Which is a sure way to get yourself killed.