The Fuck Styles Of Famous Poets

The Fuck Styles Of Famous Poets

by Brian Sweeney

In honor of National Poetry Month, I would like to discuss a few things about poetry. As we all know, poetry is when words are written in a rhyming. When we write in rhyming, we are poets. Some people say that poems can be not rhyming, but these people are stupid. William Shakespeare invented the first poem and he also made the rules of poems. 

William Shakespeare's Rules Of Doing Poem

  1. All words must be in doing rhymes
  2. Poetry is fancy and should only be done by fancy boys
  3. Not rhyming is just words and not poetry
  4. Macbeth

Song lyrics are often compared to poetry and that is because they often rhyme. Super cool white people like to say stuff like “There’s a lot of poetry in rap music.”

Word up.

Word up.

Probably the best example of the poetry in rap music comes from the song “4th Chamber” off the GZA album Liquid Swords wherein rapper/poet Killah Priest poeticizes

I leave em split, like ass cheeks and ragged pussy lips

The deft wordplay and use of the pentameter along with the masterful use of anapest while still within the dactyl hexameter of the quatrain rhyme scheme is why Killah Priest is regarded as one of the greatest living poets. 

Let's see... "I'm Barney Rubble and I'm here to say, I love Fruity Pebbles in a major way." Hmm... Not bad...

Let's see... "I'm Barney Rubble and I'm here to say, I love Fruity Pebbles in a major way." Hmm... Not bad...

But old white people will be surprised to learn that there is also poetry in non-rap songs. No, really. To illustrate this, I would like to give you a little quiz. See if you can tell which of the following examples are from a pop song and which are from renowned poets.

Poem or lyric #1:

"Fell deep in love but now we ain't speaking
Michael J. Fox was Alex P. Keaton"

Was that from

A. The Rime of the Ancyent Marinere by Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1798)

B. Yes, Of Course It Hurts by Karin Boye (1932)

C. The Red Wheelbarrow by William Carlos Williams (1923)

D. Summer Girls by LFO (1999)

Poem or lyric #2:

"I dream about a girl who's a mix of Destiny's Child
Just a little touch Madonna's wild style
With Janet Jackson's smile, throw in a body like Jennifer's
You've got the star of my liquid dream"

Was that from:

A. Sonnet IX: There where the waves shatter by Pablo Neruda (1959)

B. Her Kind by Anne Sexton (1960)

C. #9 Dreams by Langston Hughes (1932)

D. Liquid Dreams by O-Town (2001)

Poem or lyric #3:

"Such a sexy, sexy pretty little thing
Fierce nipple pierce you got me sprung with your tongue ring"

Was that from:

A. Dream Song 78: Op. Posth. No. 1 by John Berryman (1968)

B. Three Women by Sylvia Plath (1962)

C. Dulce et Decorum est by Wilfred Owen (1917)

D. Butterfly by Crazy Town (1999)

 If you answered D for all three, you are correct! Those are all poetic song lyrics!

But, I know what you are all here for. The fuck styles of famous poets. So, since you read all that information about poetry, here is your reward. 

The Fuck Styles Of Famous Poets

Robert Frost: Doggystle because he liked to slap ass and rub the butthole with his thumb.

Emily Dickinson: Reverse cowgirl because it was easier for her partner to hit the g-spot causing her to squirt like a goddamn hydro twist pipeline sprinkler.

Walt Whitman: Woman on top while she called him a dirty piece of shit with a tiny dick.

W.B. Yeats: Strictly anal and finishing with ass to mouth.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning: She liked to strap-on and force feminize straight men.

James Joyce: There is nothing available about his sexuality.

William Blake: Was often heard to say that he didn't care what he was fucking as long as there was piss involved.

Dylan Thomas: All ass eating all the time. He would always say "I will not go gently into that brown night."

Khalil Gibran: All about fucking feet and blasting ropes between toes.

Wallace Stevens: Known as "The Emperor Of Pussy" he liked to, as he often said, "lick it and stick it."

Ralph Waldo Emerson: Missionary with the woman's legs up on his shoulders.

J.R.R. Tolkien: Another anal freak. He said he came up with the one ring while staring into an asshole.

Rabindranath Tagore: Loved being smothered by giant titties.

Henry Miller: There is nothing available about his sexuality.

Dr. Seuss: Too disgusting to repeat.

Killah Priest: Poetic.

This article was written thanks to a generous grant from The National Poetry Foundation.

To learn more about poetry, please visit Killah Priest's official facebook page.

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