Literate ApeCast Ep. 78 — I Have a Yeast Infection, So Am I a Baker?

The boys are joined by Vincent Truman and get into a bizarre, bit-filled circular conversation about the concept of what makes an artist: intent or cash? Is calling yourself a writer enough to pass the bar or do you have to actually be good enough to make a living? Vincent also explains why he thinks background acting isn’t really acting.

Plus six things to do to boost your social capital despite your post-breakup weight gain and claim of self-diagnosed PTSD.

Literate ApeCast Ep. 77 — I’m Nothing Without My Following! Influencers, Public Freakouts, and Homework

Don may have a real problem. Youtube rabbit holes. In today’s episode the Gentlemen Chimps look into the tragedy of Instagram Influencer Jessy Taylor and the bizarre viral trend of compiling live videos of people losing their shit in public. David read something in The Atlantic about homework and it has him really pissed (but not enough to freakout in public while being video’d by some random dipshit).

In addition, with the knowledge that if you are listening to this podcast, you are a truly sad and lonely human primate in need of things to do, as always the guys present six things to do, watch, listen to or read.

Literate ApeCast Ep. 76 — Is Tyler Durden Also Neo And Can All The Complainers Shut The Fuck Up?

D & D spend a little time discussing the twentieth anniversaries of both Fight Club and The Matrix, get in deep about Plato’s Cave, and parse out their complaints about the fact that people who complain are fundamentally as unhealthy as second hand smoke.

With six assignments (that include avoiding Tim Burton’s Dumbo at all costs) that guarantee your limited winning potential at a random bar trivia night if the topics include Orson Well’s unfinished final movie.

Literate ApeCast Ep. 75 — Six Ways to NOT Prank Your Wife On April Fool’s (Unless She’s Wearing Leggings In Wicker Park)

This week, we deal with dilemmas that David has but can’t admit to his therapist: his random boners in the park now that Spring is approaching and how to most effectively prank Katie and still stay married on April 1st. Yup…it’s like eavesdropping on a middle-aged man in therapy if his therapist were a cranky burned out former rugby coach.

Plus, as usual, six assignments for you to complete this week to avoid reading about the next mass shooting, climate disaster, or Trumpenstein step in shit.

Literate ApeCast Ep. 74 — Don Solidifies His Grumpy Old Man Bonafides While David Seeks a Pre-School

The boys parse out the idea that children protesting is either merely political theater or a sign of a better future as well as the search for a proper pre-school for 12-month old Prince Harry sends David into a rage about little kid mucus.

Also, six assignments for you to accomplish in the week that guarantee you’ll be smarter and better than a six-year old kid protesting climate change while screaming about the lack of Oreos in his lunchbag.

Literate ApeCast Ep. 73 — Underwhelmed by Captain Marvel, Overwhelmed by the Desperate Need for Optimism in the Shadow of the Coming Demise

Happy St. Patrick’s Day, you bunch of suburban racists!

This week, D & D jump into their less than enthusiastic reflections on the latest Marvel film, discuss the need for optimism in the Age of Trump, and are joined by American Shithole scribe Eric Wilson to talk about his latest piece, finding any sense of hope in light of Deep Adaptation: A Map for Navigating Climate Tragedy, and how to talk to the Other side after they’ve been brainwashed with thirty years of FOX News.

Plus six assignments for you to accomplish to stave off the encroaching dread that forces you awake at 3:15AM and makes you seriously consider offing yourself by walking slowly into a lake.

Literate ApeCast Ep. 72 — The Death of Luke Perry, the Humor of McSweeney’s, and Rolly Pollies

David and Don bemoan how completely, horrifyingly unfunny McSweeney’s has become, those movies they watched a billion times as kids, the passing of 52-year old 90210 icon Luke Perry, and a quick realization that all the bugs are dying off with the planet. Also, with Himmel’s crap headphones, it sounds like Hall is recording in a canyon.

Plus, six things to do instead of trolling Faceborg and Snapchat while being paid a sub-par wage in a soul-sucking cubicle gig that is just casually ticking the moments of your life away.

Literate ApeCast Ep. 71 — The Greatest Guitar Bands in History (or Fuck You, Sammy Hagar)

The Gentlemen Apes discuss the Chicago Mayoral Election and have Literate Ape fiction writer/poet Dana Jerman to get into a deep dive talking about the Greatest Guitar Rock Bands of all time. From The Who to Jimi Hendrix to The Donnas, this episode simply rocks!

They also offer you six suggestions to spice up your life guaranteed to clear up your skin and extend your balls and/or labia lips to porn star proportions.

Literate ApeCast Ep. 70 — He Who Smollett, Dollett

As two people who did not immediately buy into the Smollett hoax, Don and David weigh in about the controversy, spend some time on David finally getting his wife gifts that aren’t about him and his goofy-ass sense of humor, the hierarchy of gift-giving holidays, establishing the fact that using a black thumbs up emoji as a white person is not code switching, and Don wins the lottery by being considered a “senior citizen” at the age of 50+ in Las Vegas.

Tagging the end of this illuminating babble is a list of six things for you to do to keep yourself occupied until next week’s episode.

Literate ApeCast Ep. 67 — Both Don And The Super Bowl Are 53 Today

Which has a more important place in the world: the 53rd Annual Super Bowl or the 53rd Anniversary of Don Hall on the planet? Even larger than that answer are the five things Old Man Hall has learned during the year that the NFL decided to be both commercial and racist.

Also, the Gentlemen Chimpanzees gift you with six things to do this week that will allow you to regrow the brain cells destroyed watching a fucking football game.

Literate ApeCast Ep. 66 — Where Were You on 9/11, Sandy Hook, and When That Kid Smirked At The Indian?

Just like the rest of the country, the bizarre thought experiment heretofore known as the Smirking Kid and The Indian, Don and David weave into and out of the details of that viral moment, David’s decision to wade into the Woke pool for a moment, the derailing of American journalism by the internet, and the duality of human sin.

Also, six pieces of homework because you don’t know how to do the research for yourself so we do it for you. You’re welcome, America.

Literate ApeCast Ep. 65 — Why Do “The Woke” Bother Us So Much?

Yep. Here’s the episode you’ve been waiting for. The two middle-aged white guys hold court on all that is wrong with the Rage Profiteers of “The Woke.” David struggles with the fact that Katie thinks he is a racist misogynist, Don struggles with the fact that he used to feel he was pretty far left but it turns out he’s more centrist than he likes. Not your full-on David Brooks moment but two straight white males diving into the confusion of being a SWM in rapidly evolving times.

Plus six things to watch, read or listen to because after listening to this nonsense, you might need something substantive to refill your brain.

Literate ApeCast Ep. 64 — Comedy Is Based On Pain and Being Unattractive

We’re two weeks into 2019 and it looks an awful lot like 2018 — what gives? Today’s episode follows the apes as they discuss topics that include the rage caused by malfunctioning technology, whether or not Louis C.K. is actually “punching down” and the nature of comedy in evolving times, and is politics supposed to be so entertaining?

As always, six activities for you (lots of sedentary watching on this one) to distract you just enough during the week to pretend that your world is not burning down like a seven-pound pile of monkey shit lit on fire with the Constitution as kindling.

Literate ApeCast Ep. 63 — Did You Just Say “Cicadean Rhythms” With a Straight Face?

Happy 2019! The Chimps jump right into a search of David’s disdain for Chicago in the knowledge of Don’s leaving the place for Vegas, the fact that David really doesn’t want to be seen as “that guy with a boat,” anxious people who bake cookies to deal with it, Don’s utter dismissal of the pseudo-science behind S.A.D., and a highly offensive discussion of the recent NPR poll that indicates that a majority of Americans think P.C. culture has gone too far.

Given that you’re bored and aimless enough to sit and listen to these two rubes at all, Captain Ron and the Asshiole toss out six activities for you that may or may not fill the S.A.D. induced void you wallow in daily.

Literate ApeCast Ep. 62 — It’s a Wonderful— Fuck Me

On the cusp of a New Year, the turning of the Grand Page, the ApeCast takes a look at 2018 from a specifically personal perspective (cuz two white guys with a podcast are required to indulge in narcissism by the Laws of Man.) Topics include feeling sorry for Michael Cohen, the horrifying prospect of Don as a Life Coach, and pre-partum depression. Also, an amazing list of the Best of Literate Ape 2018. What a spectacular way to begin your New Year’s celebrations!

Then, six things to in the lead up to ringing in 2019 to avoid the anxiety of all that is unknown and the potentially democracy destroying elements lurking just around the corner.

Literate ApeCast Ep. 60 — The Episode Wherein Don Takes David Down The Dark Hole of His Navalgazing Existential Crisis

As Don begins the geological transformation from Chicago to Las Vegas, he’s looking at his life and the meaninglessness of existing in a world that keeps moving and drags David into gazing into the abyss with both a sense of hopeless regard and startling optimism. A perfect episode for the holiday season (if the holiday season fills you with anxiety and ennui…)

Plus six things to do in order to keep yourself busy and avoid the thoughts of suicide by cop you envision in the wake of more cheer than you need this month.

Don admits he was both wrong and a big asshole. Moving on from that bombshell, the GentleApes parse out the possibility that we humans are nothing more than machines with consciousness and, if so, why do children not learn to wipe that snot off of their grubby faces? Finally, a bit of YouTube frivolity (in the show notes for your viewing pleasure).

Yes, gang, the guys have six things for you to do so women will find you cool and sexy sans Axe Body Spray.

PLUS, in the show notes is a quick silent video of D&D trying to record a FaceTime call in prep of the bi-coastal ApeCast in a few months.