Sarah was gone. All that was in the hall was a big box full of boxes of Product 19 on its side. I hate Product 19, but she wants me to eat it because it’s healthy. She must have bought it to make up for forgetting the cereal. “How is this my wish?” The genie was gone, too.

We’re screwed-ish.

Put Biden and his family behind bars and my family and I will celebrate in bars.

Can we just put RuPaul in charge of everything?

The World Is Burning, Stock Up On Booze

I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot a baby and wouldn’t lose any of my supporters.

This announcement will only be on TV and radio, right?

You’re the one making me do this. I love you.

The only sponsors will be MyPillow, Reverse Mortgages, and Bud Light.

There’s a masculinity crisis in this country and I’m going balls-to-the-toasty-wall for men everywhere.