The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – The CDC Issues Warnings About Bullet Season

The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – The CDC Issues Warnings About Bullet Season

 You might be suffering from bullet wounds and not even know it!

You might be suffering from bullet wounds and not even know it!

By Joe Janes

The CDC Issues Warnings About Bullet Season

 

Centers for Disease Control, February 28, 2018, 9:30am

 

Present: Administrative staff and Dr. Eduard Gimple.

 

Dr. Eduard Gimple met with the main administrative staff to address one of the most critical bullet seasons this country has ever experienced. This is a summation of his report.

-       Tens of thousands of people die each year from bullet wounds. Bullet wounds are caused by bullets more than likely discharged from a gun. The only way to catch one of these bullets is if they are airborne, in which case they can enter through the nose, the throat, the eyes, any part of the body, really.

-       Any human, regardless of age or health, can carry bullets.  And that alone is not anything to be concerned about. Bullets are harmless without a gun, their natural receptor.

-       You might have a gun and not even know it. A simple test you can do at home is to run your hand along the sides of your torso, lower back and legs. If you feel a lump under the sweat glands or along the calf, you might have a small gun. See a doctor.

-       To prevent being shot by a bullet avoid crowded places, such as post offices, universities, high schools, and outdoor concerts. The best thing you can do is stay indoors. But that’s also not a guarantee. People have been known to catch bullets in their homes.

-       How do you know if you have been shot with one of these bullets? There are some telltale symptoms. Achiness, throbbing pain, light-headedness, unfamiliar holes in your flesh and bleeding. If you think you’ve been shot, as quickly as you can, go home and crawl in to bed. Rest. Drink plenty of liquids. Make note if the liquids are coming out faster than usual and out of different areas of your body than normal. If after a day or two you don’t feel any better, go see a doctor.

-       Gunshot wounds are not always lethal. That’s a common misperception. There are some people who have been shot multiple times with only minor side effects. However, elderly people and infants should try to avoid being around guns as much as possible.  They are very susceptible to its ill effects.

-       We’re working on a vaccine and hope that by introducing a little bullet into your blood system we will prevent worse damage caused by a larger bullet. We’re still in the testing phase. Hopefully, we’ll be able to eradicate bullet wounds in our lifetime.

 Bullets are virtually harmless unless fired from a gun.

Bullets are virtually harmless unless fired from a gun.

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