I Believe.. [Nikki Haley was Humping a Bag of Maggots]
…that MoNique was offered far less than other Netflix comedians not because she’s a black woman but because she’s an asshole. $3 million but refused to audition so no $3 million. That said, $500,000 is pretty good cash for an asshole.
…that the only must-see event that eclipses The Greatest Showman as revisionist make 'em up but hysterical historical fiction is the Trumpster's State of the Union Address on Tuesday. I'll be watching it with The Greatest Hits of the Tijuana Brass playing in the background.
…that The Shape of Water is truly beautiful, Dunkirk is epic, and Get Out is an allegory for our times but, for my money, Three Billboards... is the most complicated and significant film of 2017. It's either that or The Emoji Movie because who can top Patrick Stewart as an emoji shaped like shit?
…that having Reba McEntire play the first cross-dressed Colonel Sanders has to be the most over-the-top attempt by a corporation to court a section of the public in history. A close second is any Android phone pretending it is not a plastic toy for drug dealers...
…that while some believe the rumor that US Ambassador to the UN Nikki Haley had an affair with Donald Trump, I think it is far more likely that someone saw her being smothered by a 400 lb silicone bag of maggots because no one would fuck Donald Trump.